Doesn't Anybody Know We're In Palisades?
by Malkmusian
Summary: Aelita finds out that she may have something wrong with her, but something's after her. NEW: It's finally complete! After 3 years of work and re-writing, I finally completed my first Code: Lyoko piece!
1. Your Father

Doesn't Anybody Know We're In Palisades? The Rewrite (not compatible with Some Gift From Heaven)

By

That Guy In Everclear

Chapter One

* * *

The year was 1987. The class at the Hermitage, home of Franz Hopper's company, Hopper Computers, was Miss Bliss'. The students included were Max, Zach, Slater, and Screech. During the tour, Zach and Slater were talking, as they were best friends, about Miss Bliss' big butt. All of a sudden, Screech, Zach, and Slater split from the group and went downstairs, following a piano sound. They saw a , possibly disabled temporarily and autistic, listening to her father, as he plays "Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star". At the end of the song, she says, "That was a great song!" He replies, "Okay" and looks behind him to see the three hopefuls standing there. Zach says to him, "Hey, Mr. Hopper. I'm Zachary Morris; the Mexican is A.C. Slater; and the curly-haired one is Samuel Powers, but you can call him Screech. Who's the next to you?" Franz replies, "She's Aelita Hopper, my daughter. She may have autism or Asperger's, but I don't give a . Let me show you something."

Franz gets up and grabs his can of Fresca. He walks down another hallway and the 7th graders follow him. Suddenly, they see a big supercomputer and he sits down at it. He says, "This, if she does have autism, is my cure for her temporarily disabled legs: LYOKO. You wanna try it on her?" Zach replies, "Sure" and they head to the scanner room, where Franz is about to throw his daughter in there, but then a scanner opens, revealing a black man dressed like a vice cop. He aims a Tommy at Franz and tries to shoot him, but in protection, he throws Aelita in the scanner, virtualizing her. She starts screaming as her atoms split into virtual particles and end up in an incomplete tower. Franz gets Lance and says to him, "I told you to stay in Hell forever!" Lance replies, "No! It's time! Hey, whitey with the blond hair! That Beaner betrayed you!" Zach suddenly yells to Slater, "Hey! You me!" He starts punching him in the stomach and they get into a violent fight…

* * *

(………Present Day………)

Aelita is looking at the clock ticking. She is drawing a little drawing of a DJ named Sean Demery when the bell rings. She gets out and runs all of the way to her room, where her friends are waiting. The day is May 25th. She opens the door and they yell out, "HAPPY BIRTHDAY, AELITA!" She replies, "Um…uh…thanks, guys!" and throws her bookbag on the bed. She sits down and says, "You got stuff for me! Awesome!" She opens one present and is instantly presented with an iPod. She plugs it into her computer and is instantly putting the songs on the iPod. Jeremy says to her, "Aelita, I know you like music, but why do you have Marilyn on your iTunes?" She replies, "Okay…Jeremy, anybody can love any musical artist. Remember that shirt I wore at the Hanukkah party?" He replies, "I remember. That Bauhaus shirt?" She replies, "Yeah, Jeremy. I'm into Daniel Ash." Suddenly, a door knock is heard. Jeremy opens it. It is the possessed student, who is unposessed, bringing Aelita a letter. He throws it to Aelita and she opens it. Out pops a letter and five tickets to California on first class. She reads the letter:

_**To whom it may concern,**_

_**We have contacted you, Aelita. We know the secret and we want**_

_**you to come to California tonight on May 25th. We need to tell the**_

_**truth to you. Also, bring your friends. They will experience the **_

_**thrill of a lifetime in California. You may have to stay over a month.**_

_**Sincerely,**_

_**Zach Morris, A.C. Slater, and Screech Powers**_

Aelita says to the gang, "We need to go tonight. Yumi, cancel your plans with Ulrich to head to the Black Angus Steakhouse." Ulrich replies, "I can't go tonight! In fact, I don't have much pocket money for dinner." Aelita says, "Don't worry. On first class, they have good food, unlike 'Airplane!'" All of them agree to the bad fish in the movie "Airplane", which caused its captain to faint.

All of the gang leave the room. Aelita gets out a suitcase and puts some shirts, jeans, socks, underwears, bras, a pair of flip-flops, nail polish, fancy dresses, and open-toed stilettos in there. She then puts her toiletries and towels in there and zips it up shut. She carries it to the bus stop, where the others are with their suitcases. A bus comes to them and they get on with their luggage. On the bus, Jeremy gets out his laptop and puts his Web browser on Bonus Stage, the seminal Internet cartoon. He goes to "Flame Wars" and starts watching it. He then faints and Aelita sees the rest, actually laughing at the offbeat humor.

At the airport, they get off of the bus and they get checked to go on their flight. They get on the airplane and sit next to each other. Odd sits next to Aelita, who's next to the window, and says, "Hey, we can use our electronics now." Aelita takes out her iPod and starts listening to it. Odd says, "What is that you're listening to?" Aelita replies, "The Flaming Lips. I have every one of their CDs." Odd replies, "I do, too, but I don't have that 'Satellite' record." Aelita hands the iPod to him and he puts the earbuds in, hearing a strange yet beautimus song, "She Don't Use Jelly". He says to her, "This song is the shiznit!"

At LAX, the airplane lands at 3 in the afternoon, due to time zones. They get off and head to the front of the main building, where a man holding up a sign saying, "HOPPER", is trying to get their attention. Aelita replies, "Hey, man! That's our limo!" and they get in. They suddenly ride all of the way to Palisades, seeing the sights along the way. The driver says to them, "Hello. How are you? I'm Tanner." Aelita replies, "You mean the cop Tanner?" He yells to her, "HELL YES, I AM!!! NOW SHUT YOUR MOUTH FOR THE REST OF THIS RIDE!!" Soon, they reach a mansion. He gets out and walks to a woman at a pool, tanning. She says, "Hey, Tanner. How are the guests?" He replies, "Good, Kelly." The gang gets out and head to the front door.

Inside, three men in their 30s are playing "Gran Turismo 3", listening to Grinspoon while driving around Super Speedway. The curly-haired one says to the blond one, "I'm taking you down, Zach!" Zach replies, "Not if I can help it, Screech!" Slater speeds ahead of them and yells, "I CAN BEAT YOU, GUYS!!" Suddenly, the bell rings, editing the curse in the Grinspoon song. They pause the game and head to the door. Zach opens it and says, "Hello, guests. How are you doing?" The gang stands there, frozen-eyed at the threesome. They fall down on the ground simultaneously. Screech says, "I guess we scared them."

Later on, it was 7 in the evening. Aelita wakes up. She is on a couch. She says, "O.K. Where's this Morris?" Zach walks to her and says, "I'm here, Aelita. How's it going?" She replies, "Good. What's the secret?" He replies, "You may be autistic." She is shocked and says silently, "I am? What about my daddy?" Zach then answers, "He's ." She cries to herself and says, "My dad is ? SHIT!!" Zach says, "O.K."

Upstairs, the likely couple wakes up on another couch and sees Slater and Screech partying to Jimmy Eat World. Yumi says to them, "Hey, guys. How you doin'?" Slater replies, "Good, Yumi. Well, if you must know. We know about LYOKO." Yumi gets furiously mad and yells to him, "YOU SHALL FORGET!!! YOU SHALL!" Slater replies, "Don't worry. We help you on the times you can't do LYOKO. We're warriors." Yumi says, "Okay. Where's Jeremy?" Screech replies, "In Kelly's room. If you're wondering where Odd is…" and lights up the gas to the fireflace. He lights up a match and throws it in, burning a log in there, only that it's not a log. It's Odd. He screams in searing pain and runs around the room, breaking vases and all of that expensive stuff. He says, "SCREECH!! YOU IDIOT!!" and jumps out of the window.

At the pool, Kelly and Jessie are there in the hot tub. Kelly looks up in the sky and says, "Hey, Jessie. Look at the sky. Isn't that a meteorite about to hit us?" Jessie replies, "I guess so." They run, get their towels, and head inside as Odd hurls towards the pool. He hits it in a belly-flop position and yells out, "GOD! THAT'S PAINFUL!! THANK GOD THAT THE FIRE'S OUT!" He gets out of the pool, dripping wet, heads inside, and tracks water everywhere. He heads to Zach's room, where his suitcase is in there, and takes off his wet shirt. His skin is full of burn marks. Screech walks in and says, "Odd, I'm sorry for lighting you on fire." Odd slips off his shoes and yells to him, "SORRY? YOU THINK YOU'RE SORRY? WELL, I'M IN PAIN! UNBEARABLE PAIN! I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE! FIRST, I GET HEAD TRAUMA AT THE SIDEWALK, THEN I GET PUT IN A FIREPLACE, THEN I GET LIT ON FIRE, THEN I BELLY FLOP IN A POOL, AND NOW I'M HERE, VENTING TO YOU!! I FEEL LIKE JONAS IN THE 'GIVER!!' I FEEL LIKE LANCE VANCE, HAVING HIS BONES BEING BROKEN IN A SOFT SERVE MACHINE!!!" Odd sighs and Screech continues, "Alright. You don't have to vent at me. I said, 'Sorry.'" Odd replies, "Okay, Screech. Can you leave? I'm about to put on some clean clothes." Screech leaves as Odd starts taking off his pants.

Meanwhile, Aelita is with Zach in the kitchen, who's trying to cook something, but he can't. Aelita says, "Now I know why men can't cook, except for Emeril and Wolfgang. Well, you wanna order pizza and Chinese food while we watch 'Anchorman'?" He replies, "Sure" and picks up the phone. He calls a pizza delivery service and says, "Hello?" The pizza dude on the other line says, "Welcome to Yad Neerg's Pizzeria and Chinese Place. What do you want?" Zach then orders, "I want 12 pizzas, 7 boxes of General Tso's Chicken, breadsticks, Mongolian BBQ, and twelve 2-liters of PiBB Xtra." The pizza dude gets it all down and says, "I'm going to get that all to you in 30 minutes or less or we have to pay for it, but since we cook your pizza in a car, screw that promise!" Zach hangs up and says to Aelita, "Get ready." She goes to Zach's room, where Odd is putting on his shoes. He is dressed like Tommy Vercetti. Aelita says to him, "Hey, Tommy. How's it going?" Odd replies, "I'm not Tommy! I'm not Lisa! Well, change in the bathroom. Screech is watching me dress." Aelita gets a black "Killer Rabbit" shirt, blue jeans, and black skate shoes. She goes into the bathroom and puts them on. She comes on and says, "I'm ready."

Soon, the pizza boy comes to the house and gives Zach the smorgasbord for $20. Aelita says to him, "Hey, I know you!" The pizza boy takes off his disguise to be revealed as Billie Joe Armstrong. He says to her, "Well, I can see that you're ready. Head into the car. We're going to the Black Angus Steakhouse." She replies, "Cool!" and gets into the car. She is sitting next to Tré Cool and Mark Belpois, the other backup Green Day guitarist. They say to her, "Hey, Aelita. How's it going?" She replies, "Cool. I'm doing well. Well, where's the Black Angus?" Mark replies, "It's in the town. You're currently in the outskirts…" Billie takes off to the town. Mark continues, "…and we're heading a mile to the steakhouse. It's a bit casual and is like a fancy place." Aelita replies, "Okay."

Soon, they're in the town, seeing familiar names like Carl's Jr., McDonald's, and Jewel-Osco when they get into the parking lot for the Black Angus Steakhouse. They get out and head inside the place. There is a red-haired at the podium. She says, "Hello. Go die." Aelita replies, "Are you supposed to be ?" Rya falls onto the ground, lifeless. Mr. Malice walks to her and gets her. She says, "I'm not going to say it." Mr. Malice takes the robot and him to the afterlife. An orange-haired man gets their menus and says, "Follow me."

They follow the young man to the table and they sit down. They open their menus and read them, seeing of what could be ordered. He says, "Order already! I don't have all day!" All of them order a standard meal, but for Aelita, she says, "I want the 144 oz. Sir Loin Sirloin with seasoned fries and the largest salad you've got. Also, I want a Dr Pepper." The waiter walks away with the order.

15 minutes later, he gives everybody his or her food. He times Aelita on how she eats the 144 oz. steak. If she eats it under an hour, the whole meal is free. If she doesn't, the meal is normal cost, but with $150 added to the bill. Fortunately for Aelita, she eats the whole sirloin and its meal. The waiter gives her a free meal and they all head out of the restaurant to go to the ice cream shop. Suddenly, a gray-haired man appears on a motorcycle. He says to Aelita, "Hello, daughter of Franz Hopper. I'm Franz Hopper." Aelita says to herself, "I can't believe it" and faints silently. The band surrounds her and Mark says to them, "Is she ?" Tré replies, "I don't know. She appears to be in shock."

END OF CHAPTER ONE


	2. A Day

Doesn't Anybody Know We're In Palisades?

By That Guy In Everclear

Chapter 2: A Day With Jeremy And His Brother's Friends

Everybody surrounded the bed. Aelita was unconscious. She had fainted the night before in the gravel parking lot of a Black Angus Steakhouse after seeing of what appeared to be her dad. Finally, Jeremy sensed her eyes fluttering open and says to the other people surrounding the bed, "She's awake!" Aelita finally regains consciousness and sees the gang surrounding her bed. She says, "What the? Why am I here? Did we arrive back at Zach's house early?" Zach says to her, "You are at my house. You just fainted at the parking lot after seeing your dad." Aelita replies, "I swear I saw him! He was there in front of me! He even said his name to me! He recognized me!"

Aelita stood up and walked to Billie Joe, who was in a chair, listening to the train wreck. She says to him, "Was it all a dream?" He replies, "No, it is not, Aelita. Only the avant-garde thoughts are dreams. Hey, while we're at it, why don't you spend a day with Jeremy and Mark and us?" She replies, "Yeah, I guess so." He then stands up and says to his gang, "Hey, guys! Come with us!" They all head to him and they all walk outside the house. They go to their car and get inside. Mark cranks up the ignition and presses the pedal. He heads up to northern California. Aelita looks outside the window and sees the beautiful sights on the way. Finally, after driving for 3 hours, they soon start to get hungry.

Mark presses a button in the car to lift up a jar. He says to the gang, "Now, you put a restaurant of your choice and whatever it picks, we go." Aelita writes down, "Jack in the Box" on some paper and puts it in the jar. Jeremy writes down, "Denny's" on a pamphlet and puts it in the jar. Soon, after putting everybody's decisions in a jar, the jar shakes itself around and pops out Jeremy's decision, the winner. Mark reads it and says to everybody, "Is there a Denny's around here?" He then sees one on the side of the road and drives into the parking lot. He gets into a parking space and they all get out.

They walk inside the restaurant and they get a table almost immediately. After getting used to the booths, Aelita says to Jeremy, "Hey, Jeremy. What do you want from here?" He replies, "A Grand Slam Breakfast." Finally, the waitress comes with drinks and coffee. She then says, "Order or I'll beat your asses silly." They all order and she walks away with the pad. Aelita resumes to Jeremy, "So you ordered a patty melt. Why?" He replies, "I don't know. I wasn't really hungry, I guess. Why'd you order breakfast?" She replies, "I always order breakfast when it's breakfast time."

After breakfast, the gang decides to take a rest at the park next to them. Right there, a river is flowing. Aelita is sitting next to it, looking at the majestic river flow next to her. Jeremy walks to her and says, "Hey, Aelita. I want to wade in the river with you." She stands up and they walk in the river. Aelita suddenly feels water coming around her ankles. She says, "Jeremy, I know you love me. I can see it in your eyes about half the time." He replies, "Yeah, pretty much." Aelita undoes the laces from her shoes and removes them. She throws the shoes next to the bench. She also removes her socks and puts her legs in the water. The couple gets closer and they start to kiss. Soon, the kissing becomes longer and they fall into the water ala From Here To Eternity (Is that scene the only one that they actually parody nowadays thanks to a scene in 'Airplane' that wasn't meaning to parody that scene?)

After pretty much making out in the river, they get back into the car and wait for the others to come back. She says to Jeremy, "Hey, Jeremy. Why'd we just make out?" He replies, "I don't know. I guess love was in the air." Soon, Mark gets into the car all shocked and he says to them, "You have to see this, guys!" They follow him out of the car and to a field, where charred ground spelled out, "AELITA, YOU'RE BACK". At the site was Franz Hopper. Aelita screams and says to Jeremy, "Am I dreaming?" He replies, "No, you're not. If you were dreaming, you'd be on clouds, listening to Grinspoon." Mark says to Franz, "Hey, mister Hopper." Franz yells, "I want my baby daughter!" 

Aelita starts to walk to him, but Jeremy pulls her away and says, "I don't think he is your father. You can visit him some other time." She replies, "I guess so." They get back into the car and buckle up. Soon, the band is in and they drive towards Billie Joe's house in Sacramento. They finally get there at noontime and park in the driveway. They get out and go inside the house.

Inside, it is like a regular house owned by a rock star, but with a studio inside. Aelita walks to the studio and sees a copy of Green Day's lost album, "Coffee and Cigarettes". She says to Billie Joe, who's in the studio, "I thought you told the people it was lost forever." He replies, "I told them that just to listen to our new album we were recording. Why we didn't release it was this…" He puts the CD into the CD player and switches it to track 5, which is a bunch of Sacha Baron Cohen characters talking while an instrumental, a tune of "Holiday", is playing. He replies, "Yeah, some British comedian wanted us to play a song we wrote to be on the album while he spoke in many voices. He spoke about Kazakhstan, pot, Madagascar, and NASCAR in those voices. We thought it was so freakin' stupid that we had to just keep it and not show it to the public."

Aelita replies, "Yeah, I can see why. Even if the record is like American Idiot and Nimrod combined, it's still stupid, isn't it?" He says to her, "Yeah, but it was cool. We even got R. Zimmerman from the American Cancer Society to produce our record, but he, too, recorded something over the end. He said something about him having one lung or whatever. Now, I don't feel like talking about the record. You can watch some TV." She replies, "Okay" and heads to the TV room, where Jeremy is. She sees the channel, MTV, and says to Jeremy, "They have sold out." She gets the remote and switches the channel to MTV Alternative, a channel devoted to banned videos and alternative rock. Right on is the video "Lithium" by Nirvana.

After watching 100 videos straight in a row, they turn off the TV and see that it is dark outside. Mark walks into the room and says, "Hey, Aelita. I'll take you home. Jeremy's staying with me for a while." She replies, "Okay" and stands up from the couch. She puts back on her shoes and walks to the car, which he just cranked up. She climbs into the front seat and sees a CD case on the dashboard. She grabs it and says, "Hey, Mark. I didn't know you were a big music junkie." He replies, "I know. How do you like my 1976 Camaro with bucket seats, fuzzy dice, and race car seat belts?" She says to him blissfully, "It's the shizzle!" Mark gets it out of parking gear and drives off to the interstate back to Palisades.

On the way, about 20 miles from the Morris household, Aelita feels a grumbling in her stomach and says to Mark, "Can we stop by a fast food place? My stomach's growling." He replies, "Sure, Aelita" and he takes an exit at Los Angeles. He finds a Long John Silver's and pulls up the drive thru. He says, "Hey. Can I have a Fish and Chips platter with a Dr Pepper?" He pulls up to the windows and pays the teenager. He gets the food and she starts eating it. He gets back onto the interstate and finally finds the exit back to Zack's house. He heads past the Black Angus and back to the driveway of the house. He stops and says to Aelita, "I'll miss you, Aelita. You were awesome today." She replies, "Okay" and gets out of the car. She throws away her trash and walks back inside the house.

Inside, Odd and Ulrich are racing Zach and Slater on Gran Turismo 4 around the Super Speedway. She says to them, "Hey, guys. Did you miss me while I was gone?" They reply, "Yeah." She walks to her makeshift room, the guest bedroom, and changes into her pajamas. She removes her socks and gets into the bed. She starts sleeping soundly…

Outside, on the roof of another house, a black man dressed in vice cop clothing and a Cuban with a Hawaiian t-shirt and khaki pants set up a satellite and fill it up with bad dreams. The black man says to the Cuban, "Hey, Ricardo. Do you think Aelita is in there? It looks so dark…" Ricardo yells back, "Hey, Lance!! Do you see her in bed? Let's fire the damn thing and make her brain scared of her own nightmares!!" They fire the satellite at Aelita's head and she starts rolling around in terror.

_In the dream, she sees many men surround her as she runs away. The farther she runs, the closer they get. Soon, she stops in her tracks and suddenly can't move. One of the men walks to her and yells, "Aelita, I hate you! You are evil! You are against everything!" The man reveals himself to be a British music producer from Kent, Paul. The other men yell obscenities and insults at her until she can't take it anymore and she finds a glass. She tries slitting her wrists, but she can't. Finally, the men cut her wrists wide open and she screams in pain, "NO!!! NO!!! NO!!!"_

Aelita wakes up, screaming, "NO!!!!" and crying heavily. She gets up from the bed and checks the clock. It is 6:47 in the morning. She gets out a piece of paper and starts writing a letter addressed to Max Goldberg. It reads:

Dear Max,

Why are my dreams getting crazier? Why does it seem

that I'm going to get killed no matter what? Do you know?

Sincerely,

Aelita Hopper

She puts up the letter in a drawer and puts on a t-shirt, a pair of jeans, and her shoes. She walks to the kitchen, where Zack is, cooking breakfast, and says to him, "Hey, Zach. What are you cooking?" He replies, "Aelita, why are you up so early?" She replies, "Nightmare, Zack. It was horrendous." He puts his hand on her shoulder and says, "Aelita, nightmares aren't real." Aelita then replies, "It looked so real. They killed me!!!" and showed him the scars from the nightmare. He says, "You're just overreacting, Aelita."

END OF CHAPTER 2


	3. Seeing Your Dad Again

Doesn't Anybody Know We're In Palisades?

By That Guy In Everclear

Chapter 3: Seeing Your Dad Again

Aelita walked out of the kitchen and headed upstairs to the theater room, where Screech was playing Dance Dance Revolution. He says to her, "You wanna try me?" She replies, "Hell no, I don't, Screech! I just had a nightmare. I'm going to get out and head to the Jack in the Box for breakfast. I somehow got this message in my nightmare telling me to head to the Jack in the Box for breakfast. I don't know how it happened." She walks out and heads to the front yard. She sits down on it and looks at the road. She says, "Finally. It's about time" and takes off her shoes and socks. She lays her legs down on the grass until a Camaro that has pot leaves painted all over it pulls up to the driveway, next to her. Out came Anthony "The Man" Stoner and Pedro De Pacas, the alter egos of Tommy Chong and Richard Marin, commonly known as "Cheech and Chong". Man says to her, "Hey, Hopper. We know you! Aren't you that person who fainted big time at the Black Angus Steakhouse?"

Aelita replies to Man's question, "Yes, I am, Man. I am the person who fainted at the steakhouse 2 days ago." He replies, "Okay. Why'd you embarrass us?" She yells back to him, "Mr. Stoner, why are you overreacting? I did not find out that you were there!" Soon, they started to fight and Pedro broke it up, yelling to them, "STOP IT!! YOU'RE ACTING LIKE MEN ON LSD!!" Both of them say, "Sorry, Pedro." Pedro slaps them and says to them, "Apology accepted. Well, Man. Let's get the hell away from here." Anthony replies, "O.K" and gets into the car. He rides off with Pedro back to Los Angeles while Aelita stays in the yard, basking in the not-so-risen sun. Soon, she had wasted about 1 hour basking that she looked at her watch and said to herself, "Oh, crap! Crap! Crap! I'm a little late!" She put on her socks and shoes and runs to a motorcycle. She looks at her license. "Good," she said, "I can ride a motorcycle." She hops on and rides out of the neighborhood.

Soon, she sees a Wal-Mart and a Jack in the Box in its parking lot (or at least, outside of it) and drives to it. She parks in a space and hops off, taking her helmet off in the process. She walks inside the restaurant, the air smelling of curly fries, Dr Pepper, Jumbo Jacks, and for some strange reason, Jerry Junior. She walks to a table, where an old man reading the new edition of USA Today was sitting. She says, "Hello, person. How's it goin'?" He puts down the newspaper, revealing himself to be Franz Hopper, and says to his daughter, "Hello, Cupcake!" She hugs him and replies, "Hello, Daddy! Why are you here? Why am I here?" He replies, "To meet and eat, Aelita." He then stands up and says to her, "Come with me to the counter." She walks over to the counter with her dad. The person at the counter says to them, "What do y'alls want?" Aelita replies, "I want a Jumbo Jack combo with curly fries and a Dr Pepper." Franz says to the person, "I want a Sourdough Jack combo with curly fries and a Fresca."

Soon, they get their orders and sit down. Franz says to Aelita, "Hold on. I have to use the bathroom." He gets up and walks to the bathroom. He gets in a stall and locks it, where he takes off his facemask, revealing himself as Lance "The Dance" Vance. He opens up the toilet cover to let Ricardo Diaz, his partner, out. He says to him, "Ricardo, I know who the girl is. I'm going to try to make her hate my disguise." He puts on the mask and walks out of the stall. Somebody else walks in and sits on Ricardo's head, then takes a crap on it. He screams, "AAUGH!!" The man stands up and shoots the toilet, causing a whole pile of crap to come out.

Finally, Franz walks back to the table, where Aelita is eating her food. She had already said grace. He sat down and said grace and then he started eating. After eating their food, they had nothing to do, so Franz asked this question: "Aelita, can I give you a foot rub?" She replies, "Sure" and shimmies out of her footwear. He starts rubbing them and soon, rapidly moves his fingers on the soles. She starts laughing so loud that the people at the drive-thru can hear her. He then pours his Fresca all over…

(THIS SCENE HAS BEEN CUT FOR THE FOLLOWING REASONS: UNKNOWN)

Meanwhile, at the drive-thru, Kari and TK were ordering their meals when this big lick is heard. Kari is wondering, "What in the hell is that?" TK is wondering, "Is Kari going to order?" Soon, they order, but then, when they pick up the food, Kari climbs from the car to the order window, going to the dining area, where Aelita is on the floor, shivering and crying in pain. She says, "Now who did that?" Franz raised his hand. "I did, chink," he says to her. She gets so mad that she starts to fight him, but then he picks her up and runs to the kitchen, where he dips her hand in hot oil. She screams and he throws her back in the car with much force. TK sees this and says, "I have a Colt 45 and I'm not afraid to use it!" He grabs out the pistol and starts trying to kill Franz with it, but then Franz tears up the bullets and the pistol into an origami figure. TK presses his foot on the pedal and drives off to their hotel room in Palisades.

After an hour of questioning and a therapy session, Aelita got back on the motorcycle and rode back to Zack's house. When she gets there, Screech is in the yard, looking at her. He says, "I saw you on TV! You had some torture done to you! Also, I saw those…" Aelita replies, "Do NOT call them chinks. EVER!" Screech also adds, "I didn't know you rode motorcycles. I ride them, too, but not often!" She replies, "That's good. Now I'm going to wash my body free of any soda, salt, and saliva!" and walks inside the house, where she kicks off her sneakers. She leaves footprints all over the floors and carpet until when she gets into the bathtub. She walks in and bathes herself of any foreign object.

Suddenly, Slater, following the footprints, walks in the bathroom and says to Aelita, "Guess what I saw on the news today, Aelita. I saw you in a fetal position, people trying to comfort you, a man looking like your dad being arrested, one of those people with a burnt hand from hot oil, and a bathroom which had crap all over it! Did you have anything to do with the hot oil and the bathroom?" Aelita replies, "No, Slater. I was the poor person being questioned. Why? My dad tortured me big time!" He replies, "Well, see you" and walks out of the bathroom. Outside the bathroom, Zach and the Lyoko Gang are about to walk in, but Slater says to them, "It's already been done. She was the torturee." Zach hi-fives him and knocks on the door. He says to Aelita, "Are you done? I need to do a #1." Aelita replies, "I'm taking a long, hot bath now. I'm so dirty from being a torturee that I need to cleanse myself of salt, saliva, and soda…and ketchup…and ZZ Top's beards." Zach walks away very, very slowly.

Soon, Aelita walks out and heads to her bedroom, where she gets into bed. Soon, she has the same nightmare…over and over, but this time, she has a few new enemies in her head.

(Nightmare's POV)

Still, Aelita is being surrounded by the monks who hate her, but then one of them reveal themselves to be Bill Ham, (former) manager of ZZ Top. He says, "You got rid of their looks! Why? Why? I don't like you!!!" Aelita screams in terror. Another monk reveals himself to be King Arthur…and Patsy, but that's not important right now. He says, "You have the Holy Grail! Give it to me or I'll kill you!" She screams, "I don't have it!" and suddenly sees the Holy Grail in her hands. She says, "Oh, crap" and they attack her with much pain and an awful lot of CD cutting.

(End Nightmare's POV)

Aelita wakes up from the nightmare. She checks what time it is. The time is 6:59 am, next day. She says, "I slept through yesterday! Man!" Anthony comes through a vent and says, "Hey, Hopper. How's it going?" She replies, "I wasn't calling you, Man." He walks out of the house, setting off the alarm and causing both Pedro and Man to run away from the house while Zach chases after them with a shotgun. Aelita gets up and closes the door and fixes the vent. She then sends her letter to Max Goldberg.

A few minutes later, she gets a reply from Max, saying:

Hey, Aelita.

I think you're having the nightmares because you are going to die soon, possibly today. I think you should relax and try to make the most of your life.

Love,

Max Goldberg, lover of vodka

Aelita throws away the letter after reading it and heads back to bed. Zach opens the door and says to her, "Aelita, get up! We're about to go to the parade with a visible shooting range today! Be sure to get dressed for the cold temperatures that we somewhat got and be sure to wave to George Bush!" Aelita is shocked and says to herself, "Who was the one who saved me yesterday?" Zach replies, "Kari, duh!"

TO BE CONTINUED


	4. Greetings From Lake Wobegon, a filler

Doesn't Anybody Know We're In Palisades?

By That Guy In Everclear

Chapter 4: A Letter From Lake Wobegon (filler)

Dear friends,

I am your friend, the person with a deep voice on some radio show, and I like to say that this story's weird for some reason. That's really all I have to say.

Love,

G. K.

P.S: Bring me cookies, Aelita. I love those sugar ones you make.


	5. A Demise at a Parade

Doesn't Anybody Know We're In Palisades?

By That Guy In Everclear

Chapter 5: Demise At A Parade

Aelita loaded up into Zach's van with a grim look on her face, not looking forward to her time to meet her maker. She passed the time by listening to her iPod, which was a little low on juice, so she read "To Kill A Mockingbird", but not getting advice to kill mockingbirds from that book, she put it up and basked in pure boredom from 5 minutes. Soon, Odd hopped into the van and says to Aelita, "Why are you grim? Why do you feel sad?" Aelita replies, "I am going to die today because I am predestined. Somebody's going to shoot me." Odd slaps her and says, "Aelita, don't you say that! You are not going to give up your soul today! You are going to live life to the fullest!" Aelita scoots away from Odd.

Soon, the rest of the gang climbs into the car, including the Bayside boys, and they ride off to downtown Palisades. Zach takes them to a good spot to see the parade, but ends up seeing his old nemesis, Mr. Belding. He says to the ex-principal, "Hey, Belding. How's it going?" He replies, "Zach! Meet me in detention!" Zach replies, "I'm not a kid anymore, Mr. Belding. Stop treating me like one." Still, Mr. Belding drags him away from the parade and takes him to detention. The rest watch the parade go across the street. Soon, somebody gags Aelita and takes her to the rooftop of a building.

She soon wakes up to see a Colt 45 being aimed at her head by a person in vice cop clothing. She yells to him, "What are you doing to me?" He replies, "You know what I'm doing to you, Aelita? I want you to DIE!!" She slaps him and says, "You can't do that! I'm innocent!" He replies, "You're not to me!" She gets up and runs away from him. He fires the gun at her while she jumps from rooftop to rooftop. Soon, he catches up to her in the middle of the street, where the parade is. He then shoots her in the head and she falls down on the pavement, bleeding red. The people watch as she screams out, "You shall pay for this!!" and fall into a coma. The police catch Lance and put him in the police car.

The ambulance helpers get Aelita and take her to the hospital, where she is put under critical condition. Soon, she gives up and the doctor looks at her. He walks to the gang, who are in the waiting room, and says to them, "Aelita Hopper just passed away a minute ago due to the wounds she got from Lance Vance." Odd replies, "Wait a minute. She always comes back, does she?" Jeremy, crying, says to him, "She's not coming back anymore." Soon, all of the gang burst into tears.

Meanwhile, a man in a Hawaiian t-shirt, blue jeans, and white sneakers is looking inside the building. His friend, a cocaine-addicted lawyer, is looking in the window, too. He says to his lawyer, "Hey, Ken. Remember Aelita Hopper?" Ken replies, "I do, Mr. Vercetti. Well, she died." Tommy says to him, "Yeah, but I know she'll come back. She has to. If she doesn't, Lance will become the next Anti-Christ and go power hungry even more than Jerk of the Week Nicolae Carpathia."

_In the waiting room for Heaven, Aelita enters, trying to shed tears, but because God made Heaven a happy place, she just can't do that, so she sits down and reads some w material. Soon, Jesus walks to her and says, "Hey, Aelita. What's up?" She replies, "I just got shot by Lance Vance. How's Heaven?" He replies, "It's pretty fine, but you're not really dead. Your spirit is, though. You wanna go back right now?" She replies, "Yes." He then throws her out of the waiting room and says, "Write to me!" Aelita keeps falling and falling and falling until she lands in her body, which is in a black bag, used to carry corpses._

The funeral home people are scared at the screaming and moving body, so they drop it and Aelita cuts her way out of the bag. She runs out and runs to her friends, who are mourning over her. She replies, "I'm back." Yumi says to her, "You are? How did you? How?" She replies, "Jesus." The gang reply in unison, "Oh." Soon, Zach, free from being in detention, a very painful experience, walks to her and says, "Hey, Aelita. You're not…a ghost. How did you? How?" The gang reply in unison, "Jesus." He then says, "Oh. Well, do you know a person named Elly Strife?" Aelita replies, "I think I do." He then says to her, "Well. You'll be staying with her tomorrow because Slater, Screech, and I have to do something…that you don't want to know."

Soon, the gang is back at the house, completely bored to death and whatnot. Well, soon, the doorbell rings. Aelita opens it to see the Takari couple, Digiscript for TK and Kari pairing. She says to them, "Hey, guys. You know Zach? Slater? Screech?" Kari walks in and replies, "I think I do. I've seen Saved by the Bell many times, but I stopped watching it because I have to do something…" Aelita adds on, "Like make out?" TK grabs Kari by the arm and drags her to Aelita's temporary room. He says to her, "Should we tell her the secret?" Kari replies, "No. We can't or else she'll want to be a DigiDestined, damn it! I didn't learn my AABBCCs for nothing." Aelita walks in the room and says, "I have a secret, too. I was put in a digital world for 10 years…10 years!" Kari turns her head around and says, "Wow. Well, are you SubGenii?" She replies, "Um…no. I don't support the Church of SubGenius or 'Bob' Dobbs." TK replies, "I do, but I'm a Christian. It's more of a humorous religion that makes fun of life, as we know it. Sit down. Kick off your shoes. Enjoy this compact disc playing in your home stereo."

Aelita and Kari kick off their sneakers and sit on the bed. Aelita says to Kari, "You've heard of Citizen King?" Kari replies, "Yes, but only Mobile Estates. I've heard of their other albums, but I only have Mobile Estates. It's big in Japan. Even schoolchildren sing 'Better Days' at rallies." Aelita says, "Well, it's not big in France. A little band by the name of the Subsonics is big here, even though we only got a real release from them on Universal 2 years ago. How I know? You don't want to know. Also, the release was a greatest hits album and the radio stations thought they were new, like Alien Ant Farm, but way different. These guys were a part of my mom's band until they broke off like ABC and made their own band, a very hard punk band, harder and louder than Suicidal Tendencies and Metallica combined, but went to an alternative rock style with their first real album on Warner Brothers."

Kari places her hand over Aelita's blabbering mouth. She says, "You don't need to talk anymore. Let's just take a nap and relax…relax." Both of them fall onto the bed and take off their socks. They start to sleep while TK walks out of the room and heads to the fridge, where he finds a bottle of Colt 40 Malt Vinegar. He opens it and starts to drink it. Zach sees him and says, "Hey, man. What's up? How's life in Japan doing?" TK replies, "Well, for starters, Buck Owens made us popular and smarter and I joined the Church of the SubGenius." Zach takes a drink of his coffee and spits it out in shock. He says, "You what?" TK replies, "Don't worry. I'm also a Christian. I don't attend X-Day or the church services. In fact, it's just a big parody. You see here, why Ivan Stang made the church 'founded' in 1953 by J.R. 'Bob' Dobbs was because he was born in 1953, so, voila: a fake church. In fact, I joined it just to get my funny bone on. Anydangways, where's Screech?" Zach replies, "He's over at the Rite Aid, getting medicines. Wake up Kari and Aelita for me. I want to show them my stereo."

TK walks in the room and sees Aelita and Kari sleeping. He then grabs out a bottle of water and pours it all over them. They wake up in shock and yell to him, "Hey, Takeru!" He runs out of the room and Zach walks in. He says, "Hey. Wake up. I want to show you my new stereo." Kari and Aelita wake up and walk to the living room, barefooted. They see a very crappy-looking stereo and Zach says, "Sit down in this chair. I want y'all to listen to some music." They follow his order and he puts it a tape, a Maxell tape to be exact. He starts to play it and soon, the high fidelity of the music starts moving everything in the house, including the chair and both Kari and Aelita.

Aelita says to Zach, "What in the hell is that tape on?" Zach ejects it and the high fidelity stops, causing everything to stop moving. He gives the tape to Aelita and she yells to him, "You put on a Maxell tape? Why did you do that? I mean, it's that high in fidelity even after 500 plays!" Zach replies, "I wanted to reference entertainment in a reference like that Maxell commercial." Kari says to Zach, "Why didn't you use the mondegreen commercials?" He replies, "I didn't want to say, 'Wake up in the morning, sleeping for bread, sir, sold out to every monk and beef-head. Oh, me ears are alight' or some Scottish yells by the boys in Big Country." Kari stands up and grabs the Maxell tape from Aelita. She breaks it in half and smashes it on Zach's head, causing him to feel pain like he hadn't felt since he was in detention for the first time.

Aelita claps and says to Kari, "Go, Kari! You sure taught Zach some of his remedy!" Kari replies, "What?" Aelita replies, "Nevermind" and walks away from Kari. She goes upstairs, where Odd is. He is currently watching "Dazed and Confused" and she sits down on the bed. Odd says to her, "Well, what are you here for?" Aelita replies, "I need to get away from Zach. Well, Odd, I fell like I have to tell you this. Don't make fun of me." He pretends to zip his mouth and Aelita then says with a whisper, "I may be autistic. I show some signs." Odd starts laughing and says, "You are a retard!!! I can't believe you haven't told us!" Aelita slaps him in the face and snaps back, "LOOK, YOU S.O.B! I FOUND OUT FROM ZACH FREAKIN' MORRIS!! HE KNOWS!! HE INVITED ME HERE TO ACTUALLY KNOW ABOUT THE SECRET…" She grabs Odd's neck, chokes it, and continues, "…DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?" Odd nods his head while being choked and Aelita replies in a calm manner, "Good. You understand me." She released him and he drops onto the floor, gasping for air. She towers over him and yells, "I BETTER NOT HEAR YOU SAY THAT I'M A RETARD BECAUSE I HAVE A DEVELOPMENTAL DISORDER!!! DO I MAKE MYSELF CLEAR?" Odd replies, scared, "Yes, ma'am!" Aelita walks out of the room and as she closes the door, Odd's eyes start flowing tears down his cheeks.

Meanwhile, Aelita walks down the staircase and suddenly sees Slater, Kelly, Screech, and Zach looking at her with very infuriated faces. She says, "What did I do?" Screech says to her very sternly, "You tried to kill Odd. You about hurt him just to get your message straight. You're not actually a very meek person. You are a pain in THE ASS!!!" and tries to punch her, but Slater tries to hold him back. It's no good; Screech punches her to the floor and yells to her, "THAT'S WHAT YOU DESERVE!!" Zach pulls Screech back and starts yelling to the already-weeping-in-pain Aelita, "LOOK, YOU ALMOST MADE ODD DIE AND NOW, HE'S CRYING BECAUSE OF YOU!! YOU ARE WORTHLESS!!" Aelita jumps from her position to the floor below and runs out of the house, yelling to Zach, "YOU DON'T CARE ABOUT ME, YOU HARD-HEADED JERK!!"

Zach chases after Aelita through the neighborhood and finally catches up to her. He puts her on the ground and yells, "NO, AELITA, YOU ARE THE JERK!!!" Aelita starts crying and says to him, "I'm sorry! I'm sorry! I'm actually very sorry! I didn't know what I was doing! I thought I gave him a lollypop and laughed about it and then I said, 'It's not really funny, actually' and he agreed. It's like I switched from real life to Candy Land, then back to real life when I left the room, seeing my enemy, Lance." He lets go on the grip on her and says, "Lance Vance. He's not gone. He's still alive. So, who did Tommy kill?" Aelita says to him, "My dad." Zach then says, "I'm sorry, but he knows where you are! You need to exit my house in order to protect yourself from him or else, he will get his revenge on you!" Aelita stands up and runs back to the house, Zach trailing her from behind. She enters and goes to her room while Zach heads to his friends. He says, "Lance is not gone, like Tommy said. He's still alive. Screech, you better make an apology to her."

Screech walks to Aelita's room, where she is packing frantically in fear, and says to her, "I'm sorry, Aelita, for hurting you." Aelita replies sternly, "Look, Screech. You punched me. I can't forgive you" and then starts sobbing. She then says, "Look, I accept your apology, but I have to apologize to you. I'm sorry." Screech walks towards her and then hugs her with tightness that it makes her stop crying. She dries up and then says with a whisper, "I'm sorry, but I have to leave tomorrow. Please don't let anybody enter my room or else I will be angry." Screech exits the room and locks it while Aelita still packs frantically.

END OF CHAPTER 5


	6. Exodus

Doesn't Anybody Know We're In Palisades?

By That Guy In Everclear

Chapter 6: Exodus

The next morning, Aelita woke up after having yet another one of those bad nightmares and screamed for 2 seconds, then stopping.

Zach walked in the room and said to her, "Well, we know where you might stay for the next few days so we can hide you from Lance. There's a person coming over at 3 and we're to have dinner with her at the Western Sizzlin' at 6 to give us a bit of an update on you…if you are still alive."

Aelita sighed in relief and got out of the bed. She put on her clothes that she had on yesterday and instantly saw the bullet holes through them.

Aelita was scared, so she got some new clothes and put them on. Zach hugged her and signaled to her that it wasn't time to go yet. Screech bid her farewell and she walked out to the front yard, where she waited for that specific person.

Meanwhile, in Charismaville, New Jersey, a twenty-eight-year-old female with a hat over her short green hair and sporting a tee/long-sleeved combination, a pair of beige jeans, and brown loafers was aiming a fly swatter at a fly. To her dismay, she hit the fly and her friend Joel Dawson at the same time.

He yelled to her, "_Ouch!_ What the hell were you doing, Elly?"

Elly replied, "Sorry, Joel. I just had my mind focus on many other things, like how Rya died and why she didn't come back. She had life in her."

Joel then said, "Elly, get over it. Rya's been dead for almost a year now. Nobody can save her, not even Super Phil or Alan Jackson."

Elly sighed and said, "Well, Joel. I have to go out and pick up somebody who's being chased by an enemy from my past…"

Joel chimed in, "…Like me, when I was called an asshole because I made you cry?"

Elly said in a very low voice, "Yes, Joel. That's the time."

She got her conscience together and said, "Now, Joel. You and Phil don't let anybody in and dare not watch my John Waters VHS tapes. Do you understand?"

Joel stood there, not moving, until Elly yelled, _"Do you understand?"_

Joel replied, "Aye, aye, Captain Crunch!"

Elly grabbed her car keys and ran out the door to her 1999 Mazda Miata. At that same time, Andrew walked inside the house, wearing full drag, and sat on the couch.

He said, "Now that my girlfriend's gone, does anybody want to watch 'Pink Flamingos'?"

Joel and Phil ran in the living room and sat on the couch while Andrew put the LaserDisc in.

He said, "Be careful, guys. This is a bumpy ride."

Joel and Phil were in anticipation of the film until the saw the opening scenes where Divine ate many nasty things, not just the famous "dog crap" scene at the end.

At the Morris household, Aelita was outside the house with her suitcase and various things when she saw a pear green Mazda pull up the driveway. She was excited! She might be riding to the new hideout! She couldn't wait…until the driver came out. Aelita couldn't believe her eyes. It was Elly.

Aelita said in a low voice, "So I should hide at your house?"

Elly replied, "Yes, but in case, I found your uncle and some of his friends in case something terrible happens at my house."

Aelita grabbed her suitcases and put them into the trunk. While loading the suitcases, Aelita found bags of groceries.

Aelita asked, "Why do you have all these groceries?"

Elly replied, "Sometimes, a few of my friends come over and we have crazy parties when they're around, sometimes listening to Louie Prima and cooking barbeque. Our neighbors complain, but we try to settle it down. So far, nobody has gotten us evicted from our house."

Aelita's jaw hung slack. She climbed into the front seat of the car and waited for Elly to get into the driver's side. Finally, Elly got into the driver's side and drove out of the neighborhood, heading towards the city limits.

Aelita found a CD case on the dashboard and opened it. Elly had every CD possible, from "Trout Mask Replica" to "Make It Sweet!" to even "Definitely, Maybe". Aelita grabbed the "Definitely, Maybe" CD and put it into the CD player. Suddenly, it played "Live Forever" by Oasis.

Elly said, "I remember buying this CD when it first came out. At that time, Noel and Liam Gallagher were hot, but they fought horribly."

Aelita replied, "I don't remember. I was gone for 10 years. I think that's why he's after me."

Elly said, "Who?"

Aelita replied, "Lance."

Elly gasped for breath and almost fainted.

She said, "Lance Vance? He's after you?"

Aelita replied, "Yes. He's the guy that shot me at the parade yesterday."

Elly suddenly remember the newscast as it was playing on the TV. Lance was arrested, but later that day, the news said that he escaped from the county jail by staging a shootout.

Elly replied to Aelita, "Oh, dear. This is bad. This is really bad."

Suddenly, Elly saw an In-N-Out Burger in the distance.

She said to Aelita, "Would you like some lunch?"

Aelita replied, "Sure, Elly. I'll pay."

Elly then said, "No, I will. You're my guest and I shall pay for my guest, unless if your last name is Dawson or Argus."

Aelita answered, "It's Hopper, so I'm eligible."

Elly sighed in relief, remembering all the times Phil and Joel had used her just to get a free meal. Soon, she turned into the In-N-Out and saw that it wasn't that busy as it usually was. The time was 10:44 am.

Aelita said to Elly, "Speed up to the order box and wait a few minutes. People will come."

Elly drove to the order box and about a minute later, several dozen cars were behind her.

Elly said, "Thanks, Aelita, for that useful info. Now, I know I want a #1. What do you want?"

Aelita said, "I'd like to have a 4x2 with tomato and lettuce with crispy fries and a Dr Pepper."

Elly was confused.

She said, "What did you mean?"

Aelita replied, "It's just restaurant lingo. It's their 'secret menu'. Try to use it sometimes."

Elly was a little bit relieved and soon ordered the food, including some for Joel, Phil, and Andrew. She got it and drove off to the portal, which was on an old road of Palisades.

Aelita looked out of the window and saw the old Bayside High School, now dilapidated from years of un-use. She saw that animals were out there, roaming free.

Aelita said, "What happened to Zach's old school?"

Elly replied, "Well, when Belding and Samuel retired from the school, they had opened a new Bayside High. They didn't know what to do with the old one, so they left it to rot. Suddenly, oil companies put in towers to drill the school of its oil, but they left it, finding not much oil, and the school dilapidated very quickly."

Aelita said, "Okay. Where's the new one?"

Elly pointed to further up on the road and Aelita saw a very large high school, the new Bayside High.

Elly said, "It's awesome, isn't it?"

Aelita replied, "Not really. I tend to like my boarding school a lot better."

Elly said, "I feel you."

Suddenly, there was a fork in the road. Elly turned left and went on a dilapidated bridge in need of repair. Suddenly, they were put into a portal and landed on the other side of the bridge, but it was maintained a lot better. A sign was off to the side of the bridge.

It said, "WELCOME TO CHARISMAVILLE. ESTABLISHED 1950. HOME OF THE MAD SCIENTIST JOEL DAWSON."

Elly said, "Well, Hopper. Welcome to my hometown."

They drove the car further downtown and saw the Chicago-esque buildings of it.

Aelita said, "It's beautiful! It's a lot more beautiful than Palisades!"

Elly replied, "I know. I'm proud to live there, but why did they have to mention my friend on the welcome sign? It's a little too embarrassing."

They soon reached a neighborhood and Elly turned into it. She found her house and drove up its driveway. She turned off the engine and they got out. Aelita carried the food inside while Elly got the suitcases. When they got in, they saw Joel, Phil, and Andrew puking their guts out at the movie.

Elly ran to the LaserDisc player, turned it off, and said, "Now you know why I didn't want you all to see my John Waters collection. Well, Serial Mom, Hairspray, and Cry Baby are okay, but not anything else. He's too gay and too sick for you."

Phil said to Elly, "Thank you for turning off the film. We couldn't do it. We sat there, waiting for Divine to do more gross things. We liked it."

Elly reconsidered her statement and said, "If you really liked it, you wouldn't be making my rug dissolve!"

Phil looked down at where he threw up and saw that he had burned a hole through the floor. Joel and Andrew looked down and saw their burn spots.

Andrew said, "I didn't know puke was that acidic," and ran into the kitchen to eat what Elly bought.

Joel and Phil followed.

After lunch was over for both Elly and Aelita, they took the suitcases to the guest bedroom, where it was clean, waiting for a certain someone to sleep there.

Elly said, "This was to be Rya's room, but she never came. She died. I want to let go of her, but I just can't. She was my friend and she will always be. In fact, I don't think she really died. She's here somewhere and I feel her presence, but I can't find her."

Aelita replied, "I know how you feel. Sometimes, I feel like that my mom is there, but I know she isn't. I saw her die."

Elly replied, "…and I saw Rya die, too, but that does not give up my hope that she's still alive. She had life in her when she was put in her grave. In fact, I don't think that was her. I'm like a JFK conspirer or an Elvis watcher to most. Alright, see you in a few…if you have Internet access, plug it into the wall."

Aelita gave her a signal that she understood and Elly left the room, shutting the door. Aelita opened her suitcase and found her laptop and cable. She plugged it into the wall and got Internet access. She opened up her e-mail application and clicked on "Compose". She picked out Jeremy's e-mail address and wrote to him:

_Dear Jeremy,_

_I'm over here at Elly's house. If you don't know who Elly is, she is a very nice twenty-something madam who is nice to her guests and friends, but can be a little mean to freeloaders like her friends Phil and Joel. If you didn't know, Elly is a little restricting to Phil and Joel on what movies they can see, even though they are not less than 17 years of age. Okay, Jeremy. I'll see you tonight over at the Western Sizzlin'._

_Kisses,_

_Aelita_

Aelita sent the letter to Jeremy and shut down the laptop to let it charge. She left the room and saw Phil, Joel, and Andrew watching "Hairspray" on the LaserDisc player.

Phil said to her, "Wanna watch?"

Aelita replied, "Thanks, but no. I've seen it," and walked upstairs to Jessica's room, which was made from a converted closet. She went inside and saw Jessica playing the Sega Genesis while trying to eat a VMU from a Dreamcast.

Jessica regained her sanity and said, "Hey, guest. Welcome to my room. I stay here and play Sega while I try to chew on this Virtual Memory Unit. What are you doing here?"

Aelita replied, "Elly's letting me crash here so I can hide from Lance Vance."

Jessica gasped, "Lance Vance, the evil idiot dancer for the Mafia?"

Aelita said, "That's him."

Jessica handed Aelita a controller and said, "Wanna play 'Mortal Kombat'?"

Aelita took the challenge and started to play Mortal Kombat. At first, Jessica won, but as the gameplay grew longer, Aelita won more rounds until she finally performed the best fatality on Jessica.

Jessica stared at the screen for a long time and said, "I can't believe it. You beat me. Nobody has beaten me. You are the new champion."

Aelita replied, "Thanks for the game," and shook Jessica's hand.

She left the room and went downstairs to the living room. The clock was already past 5 pm. Phil had watched more films on the LaserDisc and he was finally on "Forrest Gump".

He said, "Isn't it time to take a shower, Aelita?"

Aelita replied, "Yes, Phil. I know I should. I smell like crap."

She walked to the bathroom and opened the door to see Elly's clothes on the floor. Elly was in the bath, all freaked out, but soon calmed down to see that it was Aelita.

She said, "Aelita, you can get in the bath in a few moments. I'm just taking one to exfoliate my skin."

Elly got out of the bath and wrapped a towel around herself. She picked up her clothes and went out of the bathroom. Aelita then stripped out of her clothes and got into the bathtub, waiting for the time. She washed herself and cleaned until she was clean.

Soon, Aelita was clean enough, she walked out of the bath, dried herself, and ran to the guest bedroom to put on a clean pair of clothes and flip-flop sandals.

Elly walked in and said, "Wow! You look great!"

Aelita replied, "I know, Elly. I just took a bath. What do you expect?"

Elly said, "Oh," and walked out.

Aelita got out her cell phone and checked the time. It was 5:50 pm, perfect enough time for her to get situated into the car. Zach and the gang would be waiting for them over at the Western Sizzlin'. She put her iPod in her pocket, along with her cell phone, and walked to the car, where everybody was, waiting for her.

Aelita said, "I didn't know you got into the car so early."

Joel replied, "No. We go into the car early."

Phil added, "…and we get burnt into a crisp until Elly turns on the air conditioning. Come on. Get in. We're about to leave in a few seconds."

Aelita climbed into the car, sitting next to Phil and Andrew. Elly got into the driver's seat and turned the engine on.

She said, "Do you all have your money?"

All replied, "Yes, madam."

Elly continued, "Good. I'm taking you to Western Sizzlin' so I can discuss with Zach about this debacle with Lance Vance or whoever he is."

All of them gasped in shock.

Phil said, "THE Lance Vance?" and fainted.

Elly backed out of the driveway and drove towards the Western Sizzlin'.

Meanwhile, over at the Morris residence, the rest of the gang were cleaning the house until Zach said out of randomness, "Load into the car!"

All of them loaded into the car and they rode towards the Western Sizzlin'.

In Charismaville, June was sitting at a coffee shop with Jessica and enjoying a fine cup of mocha.

June said to Jessica, "Jessa?"

Jessica replied, "Yes, June?"

June then said, "Isn't this nice, just for you and me to talk about politics at the coffee shop?"

Jessica replied, "Sure, June. I don't know who's running for president yet, so don't ask me who I'm voting for. I have a feeling that this Hillary girl or whoever she is might be in the race."

June replied, "Well, I got my eyes set on Ralph Nader. He seems like a good speaker, but he always loses or takes away votes so the dumb guy could be President."

Jessica added, "Ralph Nader was dumb. I liked Ross Perot and Bill Clinton a lot better. Hell, even John Kerry rocked Bush out of this world. Now, we're stuck in some useless war about democracy and the world might end in '12. How cool is that? Not a lot," and sipped her cappuccino.

June sighed and stood up, going to walk downtown. She walked all through the town, checking her watch. It was 5:50 pm. Soon, she saw a car speeding towards her. She walked faster. The car followed her. June looked at it and saw it getting closer. She ran crazily until the car tapped her on the butt.

June yelled, "Who did that?" and ran to the driver's side of the car.

The driver rolled down her window and said, "It's me, a figment of your past."

June replied, "Who are you? Why did you do that?"

"I wanted to get your attention," the driver continued.

"Did you have any business tapping my butt with your car?"

"No, not really, but I've been looking at this Botkins' grave recently. It's all lies, man. It's all lies."

"All lies? I SAW THE BODY! I WAS AT THE FUNERAL! I CRIED FOR HER!"

"Well, when the Cloaked Figure killed this somebody, she didn't die. Nobody saw her life. They put her in the ground. She had to yell for help, so I helped her."

The driver rolled up the window and drove off. Suddenly, June looked in the car and saw a head full of long red hair.

June said to herself, "IT'S RYA! I FOUND RYA!"

June saw Elly's car speeding towards the Western Sizzlin' and she tried to follow it. She couldn't run fast, even though she is a robot, so she took somebody's bike and biked towards Elly's car. Finally, she knocked on the window and Elly rolled it down.

She said, "June, why did you do this death-defying stunt to get to me about?"

June replied, "I have information for you! I saw Rya in a car! She was driving it! She told me about how she had to dig her way out of the grave!"

Elly thought about that for a moment and lied, "It's not true. Rya is dead."

Elly rolled up the window and June lost so much speed, she crashed into a windshield of a car.

Inside that car, Odd was talking to Zach about how he could train his dog to do many tricks, but then June crashed into the windshield.

Zach yelled, "Oh, hell no!" and crashed into the back of another car…right next to the Western Sizzlin'. The crash, however, caused a pile-up on the highway. Elly was fortunate enough to evade it and so was Zach and his gang.

They met each other at the sign and said, "Did you see that?"

Elly said, "Hello, Mr. Morris."

Zach said, "Hello, Miss Strife. I see you may be getting married to Andrew soon. You and him seem like a nice couple."

Elly replied, "I know. He proposed to me. We're planning the wedding to be in October. I just hope nothing happens to him."

They walked into the restaurant while Lance and Ricardo looked at them through the bushes.

Ricardo said to Lance, "Did you get anything?"

Lance replied, "Not really. I just know Elly is getting married to Andrew soon and we can stop that so she won't let go of Aelita. We can then hypnotize her to take her to us and we can finally get Sonny out of Hell!"

"Lance, you're a genius!"

"I know. I dance good, don't I."

Suddenly, a gardener walked up to the bush and started to cut it. Lance and Ricardo screamed while he made the bush shorter. Soon, the gardener walked away and Frankie Cheek walked in.

He said, "You got decapitated yet?"

Lance replied, "No. Did you?"

"Not really."

Ricardo chimed in, "Can we focus on the topic here? We're trying to kill Aelita! We can't let her know the real truth!"

In the restaurant, the gang was eating until Phil stood up and said, "So, Slater. Are you, in all ways, associated with the murder?"

Slater replied, "You asked me that question for the 15th time, Phil! I did not have anything to do with the murder!"

Zach chimed in, "…but in the book, it said you killed your parents!"

Slater said, "Preppy Morris! Phil Argus! It's just a mystery book! Get over it!"

Jessie chimed in, "It's not like it's real or not, but in an alternate universe, you might've killed your parents."

Slated replied to Jessie, "Screw it, Jessie."

Phil looked at Aelita and his heart beat like a drum. Suddenly, a ray of moonshine that was illegal in all 50 states hit him. Phil suddenly grabbed Aelita and took her to the other side of the room.

Elly said to Phil, "PHIL! Are you crazy?"

Phil replied in a hypnotized voice, "No. Lance and Ricardo need her or else they kill Andrew," and carried the screaming Aelita to Lance, Ricardo, and Frankie's table.

Frankie said, "Wait a minute! You guys are kidnappers! The Grim Reaper should kill you!" and a ceiling tile fell from the ceiling onto his head.

He got a major headache, but no head burst open.

Phil handed Lance and Ricardo the girl and suddenly snapped out of his spell. He then took Aelita from them and took her back to Elly's table.

Lance yelled to Phil, "You buffoon! You are so much of an idiot! You focus too much on your friends!" and flipped the bird at him.

Phil yelled back, "Well, Lance. You're way too much of an idiot."

Lance stood up and fired a couple of shots towards Phil, but ended up hitting Frankie, who was taking Excedrin to ease his concussion. The police trampled on Lance and took him into the police car. The hospital workers got Frankie and tried to take him into the hospital, but he crashed on the way. At least Elly was safe…for now.

TO BE CONTINUED


	7. The Story Gets Jucier

Doesn't Anybody Know We're In Palisades?

By That Guy In Everclear

Chapter 7 (the "House" gag is kept in due to interest and so was Michael Hutchence. Don't sue me, INXS. Apologies to them and their new, great lead singer, J.D. Fortune)

------------------------------------

The car pulled into the garage. It stopped and the Bonus Stage gang got out, along with Aelita, who came with Elly. They walk inside and go to the living room, where Phil turns on the TV and the TiVo set. He turns off the Sega Genesis and flips the TV setting to the main channel, FOX, where the show "House" is playing.

Elly said to Andrew, "Hey, Wonderful. You want to watch 'Dumb and Dumber' in my room?"

He replied, "Okay."

They exit the living room. Phil, Joel, Jessica, and Aelita start watching the episode…

(TV's point of view)

In the hospital, House is waiting for his pizza to come when his assistant comes with his daily dose of Oxycontin.

He takes it and said, "Oh, yeah. That's the stuff! Hostess! Well, assistant, do my paperwork! I'm here to treat patients from strawberry jelly abuse and cancer! Also, I'm waiting for my pizza."

The assistant yells back, "Well, Gregory! Why don't you do that while I sit here and not treat patients, dang it! You flippin' idiot! Gosh!" and goes to the office, dancing on the way.

House gets his pizza and takes it to the patient's room, in which he is a Jewish boy who has severe cancer.

He said, "Boy, you want this pizza?"

He replied, "Yes!"

House continues, "…with ham and all of those good pork products?"

He backs away from House and said, "No, Mr. House! No! I follow kosher, the divine diet of Yahweh!"

House then said, "Well, then, if you don't eat this pizza, you can't go home! You need to be treated!"

The boy yells back, "But House, I have to be home for Hanukkah!!" and gets up.

He rips the IV from his heart and falls down on the ground, dead.

The boss walks to Gregory with a slice of Meat Lovers Pizza in his hand.

He yells, "HOUSE!! YOU DIDN'T TREAT THIS FINE PATIENT!!"

House yells back, "He killed himself to be with God, who hates the suicidal, I think! Well, do I have my job?"

The boss yells back, "HOUSE, YOU ARE FIRED FOR DRUG ABUSE AND ANGER ISSUES!! HERE IS AN EXCEPTION, THOUGH…IF YOU CAN TREAT LER LALONDE AND CRAIG MONTOYA OF THEIR DISEASES!!"

Suddenly, the scene stops and the narrator, in the style of "Arrested Development", announces to the audience, "Will House treat the patients? Will the boy make it back for Hanukkah? Will House get off of Oxycontin? Will they ever stop yelling? Will the assistant ever treat a patient rather than dance like an idiot? Find out next on FOX!!"

The TV goes out into static.

(Normal point of view)

Joel stares at the TV screen.

He said, "Phil, do you know what in the hell is wrong with the TV?"

Phil replied, "I don't know. My mom knows how to repair TVs."

Jessica stands up and starts biting the TV and hits it with a Sega cartridge repeatedly. She stops, as she regains her sanity, and grabs the toolbox. She walks outside and climbs onto the roof, where the satellite is missing.

She said to the boys, "The satellite's missing! Somebody took it!"

She sees two guys on the other roof aiming a satellite dish, which is Phil's, at the house. They equip it with laser-causing materials and radioactive stuff. Jessica jumps off as soon as they see her and they run inside from them, who decide to aim it at Andrew as a secondary target.

In the other room, Elly and Andrew are watching "Dumb and Dumber" when suddenly; a blue-colored laser hits Andrew in the chest. He feels nothing, but soon, he feels the pain.

Elly said, "Well, Andrew. Are you watching the movie or are we making out?"

Andrew's eyeballs go out of their sockets little by little and gradually fall out, the eye sockets bleeding heavily.

He said, "I don't know. I can't see anything. I can old see red and green and…BRAINS."

His hair grows long and then falls off in a large clump, making him bald, but the hair comes back repeatedly.

He said, "Well, meat…I mean, Elly, I want to eat your…I mean, kiss your brains…I mean, lips."

His skin becomes corpselike, with maggots crawling all over his arms, and his teeth simultaneously fall out of his gums, causing them to bleed heavily.

He spits out all of the teeth and mumbles, "WORLD DOMINIONS…COME TO YOUR LEADER ANDREW!"

His arms shed their muscle and skin and he raises them to Elly's head.

He grows bleeding spikes on his back and face and yells to Elly, "You must die!"

Elly screams and backs away from his as he bleeds all over and sheds more of his skin. It grows back, but with an unnaturally white color. Also, his nose falls off and his voice changes to a girly man's voice.

Aelita, in the other room, starts up the Sega and puts in Virtua Racing. She plugs in two controllers, one for Phil and one for her, and they start racing on Suzuka Course. Suddenly, Aelita hears Elly's screams and pauses the game.

She said to Phil, "Elly's in trouble. I have to help her or see what in the hell is happening" and runs out.

She walks into Elly's room, where Andrew is becoming a waterfall of blood with skin and flesh, but in a very light tone. Elly grabs a Red Ryder BB Gun from the closet and shoots Andrew in the head, killing him, blowing his head up and also making his body bleed rapidly, and putting him out of his misery. She suddenly sees the body morph back into a lifeless Andrew with just a BB hole through his head and scar tissue on his chest.

She said to the body, "Andrew, I had to kill you, but you turned back into regular Andrew."

She then aims at the satellite dish and shoots it off the roof, causing the John's Gre-sed Lightnin' to land on the men.

Elly throws the rifle out of the window and sits on the floor, miraculously clean. She takes her glasses off and starts crying a river for Andrew.

Aelita walks to her and said, "Well, Elly. I'm sorry that Andrew had to die."

Elly yells back, "Aelita, you don't understand! I had to witness 3 deaths in my life! One was Andrew, another was Rya, and the final one…was my dad. You mustn't know about my dad."

Aelita said, "Go on. I can keep a secret. I've been holding one for the past 11 years."

Elly then said, "My dad…was Michael Hutchence. He was the only dad who cared for me, but my mom hated my guts! She always yelled at me and I would cry because she hurt my feelings."

Elly suddenly has a flashback…

Flashback

It was a normal day in Charismaville, New Jersey, on a cool November day in 1997. Elly got up and caught the bus to school. There, she did good in her classes and had jazz ensemble and choir after school. Her choir teacher was Davis Michael (no comma intended). She went to Phil's house after practice along with Rya and they did their homework. Elly rode home with her dad and went to her room to practice some bass. She came down when it was dinner and took her bath. She went into her pajamas and hopped into her bed. Her dad walked in and hugged her.

He said to her, "Elly, is today Friday?"

Elly replied, "Yeah, Dad."

Michael said, "Well, Elly. We might get you a new bass tomorrow from the Guitar Center."

She said, "Okay, Dad" and kisses him.

He kisses her and she heads off into a golden slumber.

Michael walks downstairs with his songs, most of them on albums, and starts practicing "Don't Change", "Elegantly Wasted", "New Sensation", "Need You Tonight", "The One Thing", and many other hits with his band, INXS.

During a break, the band turned off the amps and Andrew Farriss said to him, "Hey, Mike. Will you get us some drinks? I'm thirsty."

Michael walks into the kitchen and grabs some Coca-Colas. He hands them to the band and realizes that he forgot his Coke. He went back into the kitchen and opened up the fridge. He then sees a young Canadian with a knife and a noose.

He said, "You stole my song 'Don't Change'! Now you pay!"

He then grabs Michael and holds him down. He ties the belt onto Michael's neck and makes it choke on him, putting the belt on the fan. Michael tries to scream for help, but he can't get out an answer.

The man puts a joint in Michael's hands and said, "Now they'll think that you choked yourself to get turned on! Ha, ha!"

Michael screams faintly, "HELP!! ELLY!!" and dies.

Elly wakes up at midnight and goes downstairs to the kitchen. She sees her dad hanging by a belt on the fan.

She unties him and said, "Dad. Dad. Wake up. You're not dead. Don't play with me, Dad."

She does CPR on him and finally finds out that he's dead. She cries over his body. Soon, Phil and Joel, seeing INXS leave Elly's house in a panic from the angst-ridden Canadian, run to Elly's house and see her mourning over her dad's body.

Phil said, "Come on, Elly. You can spend the night at my house. Just bring your backpack and some clothes."

Elly follows directions and runs with them to Phil's house. Inside, Jessica is preparing for early paying of taxes before the IRS deadline when she sees Phil, who came home at the right time before curfew, and Elly walk into the house. Elly is scared and crying. Outside, INXS is still riding away from the angst-ridden man in their tour van.

Jessica gets done with the taxes and said to Phil, "Hey, Phil. Why were you out so late?"

He replied, "Well, Joel and I were at Chuck E. Cheese's, watching Jimmy Pop Ali and the rest of the Bloodhound Gang try to beat our scores on Daytona 500. Suddenly, we decided to leave with a pizza and two Dr Peppers and rode back to Elly's neighborhood to see what was going on. We then saw her dad's band run away from a man wielding a knife, so we ran to her house and saw her crying over her dad's body. Possible, the man might've been there and killed her dad, but he staged it to be like suicide…or trying to arouse self by choking his airways."

Jessica lightens up and said to Phil, "Did you actually get the pizzas or did you do drugs? One voice in my head said, 'He is telling the truth', but there's a louder one saying, 'He's lying!'"

Phil then shows her the pizzas.

She said, "Oh. Maybe I am getting crazy" and grabs one coat stand.

She starts making out with it like it was her husband. Phil slowly moves away.

Elly follows Phil upstairs to his room.

He said, "Did you want to sleep at your house?"

Elly replied, "No, Phil. I don't want to sleep in a house where my dad is lifeless and rotting. Oh, God, I'm going to avenge his death one day!"

End Flashback

Aelita is crying at the flashback.

She said to Elly, "It must be sad that your dad had to die so early and you so…adolescent."

Elly hugs her and said, "What's also shocking is that…I don't want to say it. You might give up."

Aelita said, "If it's about my father, go ahead. That guy trying to be my father isn't my father."

Elly sighs and replied, "Your father was morphed into Lance Vance and was killed mistakenly by Tommy Vercetti, owner of Vercetti Securities in Vice City. I'm sorry, but it's true."

Aelita still cries, as she actually knows that her father was accidentally killed…just because of morphing.

Elly walks out of the room with Aelita in her arms and puts her on the couch. Both of them are still crying.

Phil said, "I heard about your dad…wait a minute! I remember about that! And that!"

Elly replied, "What?"

He said to her, "It's your 'secret'. You tried to hide it and so did we, but we still don't have a Rya in the house."

Joel runs out of the basement and screams out, "I found her!"

Phil asks, "Who?"

Joel said happily, "Cassidy, Phil! I found your girlfriend!" and gets hit in the head with the Sega 32X peripheral system, thrown by Phil.

He yells to Joel, "I'm not all boyfriend-girlfriend with Cassidy, OK? I don't like her! In fact, I really, really, really, really, really hate her!"

Joel raises his hand and said, "…but you two sleep together and you sing songs in Latin made by Barry White!"

Phil said, "That was a joke, OK?"

Aelita yells, "SHUT UP, BOYS!! IT'S A JOKE, OKAY? NOW CAN WE ALL GET SOME SLEEP?"

Suddenly, the TV turns back on to the final minutes of the final part of "House".

Jessica comes inside, glowing green and sleepy.

She said, "Whatever I'm doing, I'm hitting the hay" and punches a bale of hay.

She then sleeps on it. The TV is turned off by Elly, who wanted it to be off, and she turns off the Sega Genesis at the same time too. All of the gang get into their beds, including Aelita, who sleeps in the guest room…

END OF CHAPTER 7


	8. The Premonition

Doesn't Anybody Know We're In Palisades?

By Ol' Malky (Ma-san)

* * *

Chapter 8: Sickness And Retribution, Also A Tin Teardrop

* * *

Aelita woke up next morning, lying in the sun-drenched living room of Elly's house. Elly was next to her, sucking her thumb in her sleep. She had gotten up from her bed and saw Andrew's body lying there, dead. She ran until she reached the living room and fell asleep on the floor.

Aelita got up and said to Elly, "Elly, wake up. It's Sunday and you know what that means."

Elly woke up and replied, "I'm an atheist, Aelita. I don't believe in your religion. In fact, I don't really do much crap on Sundays."

Aelita was shocked. Not only wasn't she doing anything on Sunday, Elly was an atheist.

_Must be her dad's side,_ Aelita thought, and put on her clothes.

Elly walked to her room and saw that Andrew's body was gone. Phil and Joel must have put it in a makeshift grave in the backyard during the night just for her. However, her room looked horrible. Blood, detritus, and flesh debris were all over the walls, peeling the wallpaper to nothingness and making the room smell bad.

Elly said to herself, "Oh, dear. I guess that I'm going to need a refurbishment on my room," and walked out.

She put her hand on Aelita's shoulder and said, "Let's go out somewhere. I'm going to need a lot of protection for a long, long time."

Elly walked out the door and Aelita waited for a few minutes to pass, and only after changing into the clothes she wore yesterday, she followed Phil to the car. Phil and Aelita got into the car, which was already cranked up by Elly, and they bucked their seatbelts.

Elly said to them, "Hey, guys. Joel's not coming. He's too busy trying to find Rya's body. When he dug up her grave, he found no body, so he put Andrew's…in there."

Phil replied, "I'm sorry that Andrew died, but he died because of _you!_ You killed him with the gun! You should be sorry!"

Elly quipped, "He was trying to kill me! He was turning into a zombie-esque Michael Jackson that was to rape me any second, so I had to dispatch him! Shut up, Phil!"

Phil was silent. He got out a V.C. Andrews novel and read it.

Aelita, however, said to Phil, "I was there when Andrew was mutating into a washed-up pop star. I saw Elly trying to dispatch him! In fact, I think I saw a blue flash from the room!"

Phil thought about Aelita's contradictory statement for a second and then replied, "I remember seeing a blue flash in that room and that couldn't be from the TV. I know the movie Elly was watching, and in it, there was no blue flash that intense! That had to be from some other source!"

Phil looked out of the window and saw their satellite dish on their neighbor's house. He gasped.

He said, "Look out of the window, guys!" and the girls proceeded to look out, being horrified at where the dish was pointing at: Elly's room, right where Andrew stood.

* * *

On the ground was Lance and Ricardo, who were just waking up from their fall.

Lance said to Ricardo, "What happened last night?"

Ricardo replied, "We dispatched Elly's boyfriend. Soon, she'll give up that bitch to us and we'll finally get to deal with her!"

Lance got out his gun and shot it. Suddenly, the car backed out of the driveway and drove towards the town. He got into another car and followed Elly's car towards downtown, meanwhile killing many innocent people on the way.

* * *

In Elly's car, Elly was screaming in misery. Not only was she coping with Andrew's murder, Lance Vance was chasing her. Finally, she ran out of gas and stopped over at the gas station. She got out and Lance got out of his car.

He yelled, "ELLY STRIFE! Time to dispatch you to your dad's home! Oh, wait. You're atheist. You're going to Hell!" and shot several rounds at Elly.

Elly hid behind the gas pump and Lance's bullets hit it, causing it to explode, knocking Elly into the store. She got up from the floor and destined not to be killed, she got a Tommy gun from the counter and successfully hit it at Lance's head, dispatching him instantly.

She put the gun down and said to his dead body, "Lance, you're now food!"

* * *

She walked back into the car and drove off towards a Howard Johnson's on the Interstate.

On the way, Phil said, "What's with you?"

Elly replied, "Lance tried to kill me, so I killed him. I finally got rid of our worries. He won't bother me…did I repeat myself?"

Aelita said, "No, you didn't. I saw what happened. In fact, I thought he was going to kill me too," and fell asleep, only waking up over at the Howard Johnson's.

* * *

Elly was at the table, looking all around the restaurant for any signs of Lance's partner-in-crime, Ricardo Diaz. She finally gave up after looking at the same group twice, which was a lamb, a cat, and some weird explosive animal, and got a table next to them. Elly got out her menu and read it. She was disgusted at all of the menu items, especially the clams enjoyed by Ethel the Tree-Growing-off-of-Her-Husband's-Shoulder, and got a little nauseous.

Aelita said to Phil, who wasn't looking at a menu, "Phil, why aren't you deciding?"

Phil replied, "I've been here before. I know what I want: the fried clams, the fries, the 50-something flavors of ice cream, and a Dr Pepper."

Aelita said to him, "Well, I made up my mind many years before you did and I decided on a burger, fries, and a cola. I'd like to try the ice cream, too."

A voice from the other table said, "I'd like to try it also."

Phil yelled, "Shut up, anthropomorphs!" and they all shut up.

Elly got back from the restroom and the waitress came to their table.

She said, "What would you have?"

Elly replied, "The breakfast buffet, please."

Phil replied, "The clam strips platter with a Dr Pepper and a sampler of your ice cream."

Aelita replied, "A burger, fries, and a cola. I'd like to try your ice cream, please."

The waitress wrote the orders down and ran to the kitchen to give to the cook. They waited for their food. Sometimes, the other table would try to socialize with them, but Phil would just shut them up. Finally, their food came, with Phil and Aelita receiving 50 bowls worth of ice cream. Phil waited until he ate the clam strips while Aelita started to eat the ice cream. She ate so much, she felt like the king of Hyrule, who wonders what's for dinner every day when Gwonam visits him, Link, and Zelda about the situation at Coridai and the status of Ganon.

However, the ice cream made Aelita extremely sick and she had to take home her meal, along with her drink. She got so sick, she threw up on the other table, right where one's guitar was.

That girl yelled, "YOU WHORE!"

* * *

On the road, Aelita was sleeping and groaning at the same time. Phil was listening to his music. Elly was listening to her CD collection.

Elly said, "I didn't know you were lactose intolerant."

Aelita replied, "No, I'm not. There's more to it than that. It feels like I have the stomach virus. I guess it just activated today."

Elly replied in a soothing manner, "Well, don't die. That's what Lance wants you to do."

Aelita said, "I'm not gonna die. I get these every year. It's perfectly harmless!"

Finally, Elly pulled into the garage and turned off the car. Phil turned off his Microsoft Zune and carried Aelita to the guest bedroom. When they got in there, the bed looked slept in, even though Aelita didn't sleep in it the previous night or even mess it up. There was mud on the carpet. There was some blood on the ceiling. Jessica was sleeping in a chair.

* * *

She woke up and said, "I didn't do this. I saw what Elly was looking for sleeping there and then she just ran away. June then ran into this house, saying that Rya was here, Rya was here! I didn't believe her until I realized…Rya has red hair. Oh, dear."

Elly replied, "I found Rya."

Jessica said, "I thought I did. Phil, did you see her? I thought you did."

Phil replied, "I was with Elly. It must have been Joel…or the Burger King."

* * *

Jessica stood up and grabbed Phil by the ear, tugging him outside of the room. Aelita took off her shoes and socks and got into the bed. Elly squirmed at this sight and took her upstairs to Cassidy's former room, a converted room that looked like Elly's 1997 room over at her old house. There was a bunch of boxes of records lying about and an unplayed bass stood in the corner.

* * *

She said, "Cassidy was too scared. I hope you like the '90s. Sleep tight. I'll be back with the thermometer," and saw a thermometer on the desk.

She put it in Aelita's mouth and it told her, "Do you know this teenager is sick? She has a 103-degree fever. Treat it immediately! Don't let her die. In fact, she might not die. _She's only virtual._"

Aelita gasped at the reading and said, "How did it know I was virtual?"

Elly replied, "I guess we're both delusional. Go to bed now," and she left the room.

Aelita got into the bed and started to sleep. Right next to her was a 28-year-old girl with red hair. She poked the body and it got up, running about.

She said, "You found me, Elly. You found me! Oh, wait. It's nobody of real significance. Don't tell Elly I sleep here."

* * *

Aelita slept and the girl opened the window. She jumped out and from the kitchen, Elly saw her and said to herself, That must be Rya! She got out of the house and ran after the girl, finally tracking her to the car June was talking about a day ago. However, Lance was there.

He said, "Hey, Elly. Looking for me?"

Elly screamed and blew the sky out of the mountains. She ran away from Lance and didn't see the girl climb into the car to run away from Lance.

* * *

In the '90s room, Aelita was sleeping and she woke up, delusional. She heard a voice come out of the walls and became afraid. It got louder and louder until it was as loud as an elephant. Soon, she closed her eyes in fear and saw the ghost of Michael Hutchence looking at her.

He said, "Aelita, I came to you today. I know you're sick, but listen to me."

Aelita replied, "You don't exist. You're dead."

He retorted back, "I am dead, Hopper! You have to understand, I came to you for a reason! I came to tell you that Lance and Ricardo are after you so they can raise their good friend Sonny Forelli, leader of the Mafia, from the dead after all these years! I know the truth! I walked with God for eight years and I still do. He told me about Lance's heinous plan. I need to warn you."

Aelita was about to ask Michael a question, but he slipped away. Aelita screamed in terror and Elly ran up to see what was the hurry.

Elly said to her, "What is it?"

Aelita replied, "I saw your dad. He warned me about the things Lance and Ricardo were going to do to me!"

Elly sighed in anger and yelled, "You didn't see my dad! He's dead and is buried in Australia, damn it! Go to sleep!"

Elly stormed out of the room and locked the door. Aelita stayed up until she fell asleep. She later woke up at 5 in the afternoon, feeling a lot better. The sky was a turquoise-red and she saw some silhouettes of her friends in the backyard.

* * *

They were there. Jeremy, Ulrich, you know. Everybody was there.

She said to herself, "Let's see why they are there, but after record time," and rummaged through Elly's record collection.

She found many records, including various INXS, TISM, Grinspoon, Powderfinger, Ash, Herb Alpert, and Primus records. She got out "Frizzle Fry" and played it on the still-working record player. It played in glorious four-way stereo sound. Suddenly, rocks were hit at her window.

Jeremy yelled from outside her window, "Aelita, come out! I'm sorry! I'm very sorry we left you!"

Aelita yelled back, "Jeremy, why are you apologizing to me if I didn't do any harm?"

Jeremy replied, "Well, Aelita. I love you," and forced the rest of the gang to do a modern-like doo-wop song.

* * *

Aelita was falling in love over him. She climbed out of the window and grabbed her boyfriend by the neck. She kissed him like nobody kissed her before. Jeremy blushed heavily.

He said, "I'm glad Elly invited us over. We're staying over in a nearby town, El Sobrante. The people we're staying with are very nice. They have a band that you might be interested in."

Aelita squeaked, somewhat, and ran to the driveway. She saw an RV parked in it, right where Jessica had her car, but her car wasn't there. The gang followed Aelita to the driveway.

Jeremy said to Aelita, "I thought Elly said you were sick!"

Aelita replied, "I was until recently. I guess your love cured me," and kissed him more.

* * *

Jeremy fainted while the gang ran inside the house to see Elly, Phil, Joel, and the band Primus yukking it up over a dozen pots of coffee and a plate full of diatom cookies.

Aelita fainted and Elly said to her, "Well, I see you're well. Meet your new caretakers if your uncle's not around: Primus!"

Ler put down his diatom cookie and said to the pink-haired girl, "Salutations to you, Hopper. I'm Larry…"

Aelita squeaked, "Ler LaLonde, Tim Alexander, and Les Claypool! How sweet! I'll be staying with them soon!"

Elly replied, "Well, I got a call from your uncle. He might be taking you to his house from the Malibu Club in Vice City. I know how cliché it sounds, but he owns it. He will do anything to protect it and you."

Aelita was silent. Les tried calling out to her, but she fainted again and was put into the newly cleaned up guest bedroom...

* * *

TO BE CONTINUED... 


	9. Arrival on Time

Doesn't Anybody Know We're In Palisades?

By Malkmusian

Chapter 9: Arrival on Time

* * *

Aelita woke up just a few minutes later in her bed and got up. She ran across the hall to the living room and saw that Primus had left the house, leaving the plates of diatom cookies on the table. Elly was sitting on the couch, watching another episode of House, and noticed that Aelita was coming down.

Elly said to Aelita, "Well, I see your caretakers left, but you have got to catch up on sleep. Tomorrow, we're heading down to Vice City to see your uncle."

Aelita replied, "Okay, Elly, but how come the others were here?"

Elly then said, "They're here because out of nowhere, Zach became somewhat of an ally for Lance, trying to kill the children. Primus saw them and they got your friends to here safely."

Aelita walked back to the room, but Elly interrupted, "You can stay down here for a while. We have a rec room in the basement."

Aelita squealed and the sky blew off of the mountains. She sat down on the couch and started to watch the episode of House, which was a very interesting one, if you know what I mean…

* * *

(TV's Point-of-view)

Dr. Gregory House was in his office, swallowing his various Vicodin pills while listening to "Trout Mask Replica", when his assistant came in.

He said, "Dr. House, sir, can I have my raise?"

House retorted, "NO! CAN'T YOU SEE I'M TAKING ILLICIT DRUGS!"

The assistant made a hissy fit and yelled, "I quit! I don't care if I make a million dollars per hour so I can fund my brother, who's like 32! I want to get a place of my own!"

The assistant danced out of the room and ripped off his uniform, revealing a "Vote for Pedro" shirt, short brown pants, and moon boots.

House yelled, "You know that's inappropriate hospital attire, Mr. Assistant!" and went back taking his drugs.

His supervisor barged in and said, "HOUSE! Your assistant complained about you, so you're fired…unless if you can…"

The screen went blank.

(3rd person point-of-view)

* * *

Elly shut the TV down and said, "Well, look at it. It's a little late. I'll go get some chicken from the KFC down the road."

Elly walked out and Aelita sat on the couch, twiddling her toes, thumbing her nose, and washing her clothes. Soon, she fell asleep. The gang came inside after playing and saw Aelita sleeping silently.

Odd said to them, "Aw…isn't she cute? I love it when she's asleep."

Jeremy whispered, "Odd! She's asleep! Do you think we should tickle her? I bet she hasn't felt that way before," and grabbed a feather.

Odd yanked it from Jeremy's hand and rubbed the feather all over Aelita's bare feet. She laughed and blew the sky off of the mountains.

She woke up and saw Odd doing this. She kicked him onto the ground and ran to the guest bedroom. She climbed into the bed and fell asleep.

* * *

The next day, Elly woke the girl up, saying to her, "Hey, Aelita. Wake up. It's time to go to Vice City to see your uncle."

Aelita got out of the bed and put on her clothes, which were a pink t-shirt, blue jeans, and pink flip-flops. She walked out of the room and ran to the car, where everybody else was.

Ulrich said to her, "Aelita, why did you run away from us last night? Elly had fried chicken waiting for you!"

Aelita replied, "Well, I was so tired, I needed my beauty rest or else I would be very doggone grumpy in the morning. I wasn't in the mood to eat food, so I didn't care. Are we stopping for lunch?"

Ulrich replied, "Now I know. As for lunch, we are stopping, but I don't know where. I bet it's that Black Angus Steakhouse that you went to without us! We had to eat cheap pizza and drink flat drinks! What's with Zach and them?"

Aelita sighed and grabbed him by the shoulders.

She said, "Zach is not rich, Ulrich. He is middle class. It's just that in California, everybody gets a big house, even the poor. Look at that poor family there!" and pointed to a family in rags walking into a big house.

Suddenly, screams were heard, telling everybody that this "poor" family was, in fact, rich.

Aelita slapped herself and said, "So Zach is rich! How is he rich? Why is he frugal?"

Odd butted in and said, "Aelita, Zach's rich because he made the smaller cell phone. Remember those old episodes of 'Saved by the Bell' where he carried that Zach Morris phone with him? That's why he was rich. Also, he's frugal because of the friggin' gas prices this place had since the '90s."

Aelita nodded to show Odd she had understood his rant that broke the fourth wall and popped in her earbuds. Elly climbed into the car and ignited the engine.

She said to the gang, "Hey, gang. We're going to Vice…"

Everybody yelled, "We know, Elly! You've told us that a million times!"

Elly sighed and backed out of the driveway. She shifted into forward gear and drove out of the neighborhood, passing many houses as she drove by. She turned left, towards Trenton, and turned right onto another road. She looked onto her left and saw an old dilapidated house with graffiti all over it. Elly stopped the car and ran inside the house. Inside, she saw the furniture in its correct position and ran upstairs to a room that was identified by the green stars on the ceiling. Elly walked inside and saw the bass guitar in the corner, all gutted and strings broken.

* * *

She said to herself, "My, oh, my. What have the vandals done to this house?" and ran to the supply closet, where she found various instruments in mint condition, untouched since 1997. She grabbed the instruments and dragged them to the car, where she put them into the trunk. Inside, Odd and Ulrich were looking at Elly doing this type of thing.

Odd said to Ulrich, "Elly's stealing instruments!"

Ulrich replied, "What's worse, those are INXS' instruments!"

When Elly got back in, the boys yelled to her, "STEALER!"

Elly replied in a soft voice, "Those are my instruments. I had abandoned that house in 1997 after my father died of murder. I decided to get them for you-"

Ulrich interrupted, "But you stole them! That might be somebody's house! If your father was really in INXS, tell us what member was he."

Odd added in, "We're serious."

Elly thought for a moment and retorted, "No. I won't tell you. You'll tell Phil and Joel and Andrew, who…DIED!"

Elly fell into tears while Aelita said to the boys, "Since Elly won't tell, I'll tell you. Her dad's actually Michael Hut-"

Elly covered Aelita's mouth and said, "No, he isn't!"

Suddenly, Elly broke down and ripped her hat into pieces.

She sobbed to them, "ALRIGHT, HOPPER'S RIGHT! HE IS MICHAEL HUTCHENCE! I DIDN'T WANT TO TELL THAT TO PHIL AND JOEL BECAUSE THEY FORGOT EVERYTHING SINCE THEN!"

Elly cried while Aelita looked at her and started to cry. She hugged Elly and comforted her. The boys awed.

Ulrich said to Elly, "Geez, Elly. Sorry for getting on your nerves. I didn't know you were so heartbroken. Sometimes…" and started to sob to himself, remembering his family life.

Odd hugged Ulrich, saying to the German, "Ulrich, it's good, man. I'm heartbroken, too, and that's because my parents don't give me any criticism. I want some! Come on, world! I'm for breakfast!"

Ulrich chucked and said to Odd, "Odd, thanks, and by the way…_will you stop hugging me? It's freakin' me out._"

* * *

Soon, the car moved on towards the inside of the neighborhood, which was more kept up than Elly's old house. Phil and Joel stood on their front porches, looking at Andrew's house going up for sale. Elly drove by the sight and soon got to the intersection of Vice City Highway and Charismaville Businessway. She turned onto the Vice City Highway and instantly got onto a bridge that traveled over 6 miles of water. From the car, the gang looked forward and saw the Escobar International Airport in the distance. Elly drove forward and the airport got closer and closer until one could see the Vice City skyline in clarity.

Odd said to Elly, "Is that Vice City?"

Elly replied, "Odd, it is. We're going to stop somewhere for lunch, but I don't know," and drove onto the Vice City Highway.

The airport was bypassed and they saw many restaurants on their left and right, where the sections of Little Haiti and Little Havana used to be. On their right was Sunshine Autos, which was in a bigger location and had turned into a Lamborghini dealership. Aelita knew it from the sight: she was in Vice City and it was rich, not only with greed and crime, but also with happiness and joy and a lot of drive-by shootings. Thankfully, since the gangs respected Elly and the gang, they never shot at them, except for one car, a Mibatsu Thunder.

Inside the Thunder, Lance and Ricardo were looking at their GPS and saw Elly drive by.

Lance said to Ricardo, "There they are! Shoot them!" and they drove towards the gang.

Inside Elly's car, Elly looked into the rear-view mirror and saw Lance Vance's car following them. Suddenly, bullets hit the car and the gang screamed in terror.

Elly said, "Lance is after us! Let's run!" and pushed onto the pedal so hard that the car went fast.

Amazingly, Elly resisted gravity and all other forces and drove extremely fast with ridiculously good handling and professional turns similar of a NASCAR driver. Even if she was speeding 200 mph, Lance was behind her and still shooting at the car. Odd looked out the window and saw a rope tied to the car. He rolled down the window and with accuracy, he cut the rope while dodging the bullets. Lance's car soon plummeted into the Strait of Richards.

Odd rolled up his window and said to Elly, "We're now free of the danger. Now, let us celebrate by eating lunch!"

Elly cheered and saw a Well-Stacked Pizza Co. on the left and a Burger Shot on the right.

She asked the gang, "What do you want? Pizza or burgers?"

Almost all of them said, "Pizza."

Elly drove into the parking lot for the Well-Stacked Pizza Co. and parked her car there. The gang got out and walked inside the restaurant, which was similar in looks to a Pizza Hut. They got a table and sat down at it. Soon, pizza came instantaneously.

Elly said to Aelita, "We're supposed to meet your uncle at this place called the Malibu later this afternoon. Right now, let's focus on eating."

Aelita grabbed a slice of cheesy pepperoni pizza and took a bite from it. Instantly, she felt autistic and started to act like one. Elly was confused. Were the rumors true? Was Aelita, in reality, autistic? She disagreed.

She said to the feral Aelita, "Aelita, stop."

Aelita suddenly stopped and sat down, saying, "I'm sorry. I just get all giddy when I eat pepperoni pizza. That's why I didn't want any."

After lunch, Elly and the gang got into the car and drove towards the other island, where the Malibu was. They took a shortcut through Starfish Island, where a man in a blue Hawaiian shirt looked at them.

Ken ran to Tommy and said, "Tommy, are they here?"

Tommy replied, "Ken, you're not my agent anymore, nor are you my concierge. I invited you here to witness my niece and I getting back together. I had to chase them out of Vice City because I knew I did a bad thing."

Ken replied, "What's that?"

Tommy sighed and solemnly said, "I killed her father by accident. I didn't know Lance had all of this equipment with him that allowed him to be a master of disguise. He was better than Dana Carvey or any of the Disguisis."

Tommy walked up his driveway with Ken and said, "Ken, don't try to order anything fancy at the Malibu. I heard they have a Snickers Cocktail and sweat tea, but I doubt those would actually taste good."

Ken showed Tommy his credit card and said, "I'm covered for myself. I'm trying to get off this cocaine addiction, so I tried Nestlé Quick and snorted it. Man, I felt so high for days!"

Tommy's jaw hung slack and Ken climbed into the car. Tommy backed the car out of the driveway and drove towards the Malibu.

At the Malibu, the gang was there, looking for Tommy. Aelita looked upstairs in the VIP booth to no avail. Ulrich looked in the men's room. Odd looked in the bar/pole area, where the girls danced. Yumi looked in the girl's room, thinking Tommy was a pervert. Elly looked at the stage, where the corpses of the Village People stood. Suddenly, janitors from out of nowhere cleaned the mess up and the manager of talent at the club came onto stage.

He said to the clubgoers, "Hey, Malibu lovers! We're in dire need of talent right now, so we're hosting a talent show. First prize wins a $100 to Bareback Jack's, right near Escobar International and the Vice City Arena! So, talents! Come up and get ready to rumble!"

Soon, people came up and did some stupid things. The manager of talent shook his head every time, until he gave the final call for anybody who wanted to participate in the talent show.

Elly suddenly had an idea: She can get the gang to earn some extra money for dinner by winning the gift card. They had a band, didn't they?

She called the gang over and said, "Do you have a band?"

Aelita replied, "Yeah, but…"

Elly interrupted, "Why don't you all re-unite on stage for the talent show and play for them so we can win and have fun!"

The gang cheered and ran to Elly's car, where they got the instruments. They ran inside and climbed onto the stage.

The manager ran to Aelita and said, "So what is your band's name?"

Aelita replied, "The Pop-Rock Progressives?"

The manager yelled to the crowd, "THE POP-ROCK PROGRESSIVES LIVE!!!"

Odd gave the band the signal to play and they started to rock. Aelita played a power chord on her guitar while Ulrich played a dissonant guitar part that didn't fit in. Yumi drummed a bit chaotic while Odd played ala Rockette Morton.

Aelita sang, "My smile is stuck, I cannot go back to yer frownland. I can see the ocean and the sky and the sun and the moon and all I can see. I cannot go back to yet land of gloom, where black jagged shadows remind me of the color blue. I want my own land. Come with me and take my hand. It's not too late for you, but it's not too late for me. I want my own land where men can stand with another man without the eagle flyin' and low men lyin' and no one dying from an empty hand. Let the devil burn in a bag-a-learn…in my own land. My smile is stuck; I cannot go back to yer frownland. I cannot go back to yer frownland."

Somehow, because everybody at the club was a fan of Captain Beefheart in some way, the band was cheered at and the manager came out with a gift card for $100 to Bareback Jack's.

He said to them, "You played excellent and you deserve this prize. Any other volunteers who came up, you get…NOTHING!" and handed Ulrich the gift card.

Ulrich replied, "Thank you, sir," and walked to Elly with the gift card.

He said to her, "Elly, this is for you."

Elly replied, "Why?"

"You know, because we owe you. You can eat there. You can finally invite Phil and the mad scientist to dinner without blowing your budget. If you could, you would invite Andrew, but I'm very sad that he did die. From the pictures, he seemed like a very nice guy."

"Well, Stern, he was a very nice man. I think I saw a glimmer of his kindness when he was dying during the transformation…we need to kill Lance."

Ulrich walked away to Aelita and said to her, "Hey, Hopper. How are you gonna like it when your uncle's gonna pick us up here?"

Aelita started to reply, "Yeah, I-" but was pushed down by Lance onto a coffee cart. The cart slid towards a table and pushed the coffee can off the cart. It spilt several ounces of hot coffee on Elly's crotch, making her scream bloody murder. Finally, Ulrich broke Lance's arm and pushed him into a garbage can while Elly got up and tried to clean up hot coffee from her pants.

Elly was very pissed at the gang.

* * *

TO BE CONTINUED 


	10. Your Uncle is Very Powerful

**Doesn't Anybody Know We're In Palisades?**

* * *

**By Malkmusian aka That Guy In Everclear**

* * *

**Chapter 10: Your Uncle Is Very Powerful**

* * *

In the car, Elly was very mad at the gang for spilling hot coffee all over her crotch.

She yelled to the gang, "You did this to me! You meant to! I'm now in pain because of you! I wish I never kept up with you all!"

Ulrich replied, "Hey, Elly, if you're going to be livid, give us back our gift card!"

Elly retorted, "No, Ulrich. You gave it to me as a gift. You know I love you as friends and Lance pushed Hopper, who pushed the cart, but I need to vent about the accident! I need to vent about it! I need to, I need to!"

Aelita said to Elly, "Elly, stop venting towards us. Do you do it at Phil and Joel?"

Elly sighed and said very sarcastically, "Well, Hopper. I do vent at them, but would you settle for hot coffee burning your crotch and ruining your favorite pair of 501s? I don't think so! Now we're almost to his house and stay seated."

Aelita slumped in her seat, but Elly retorted, "That's bad posture for your back!"

* * *

Meanwhile, at the Vercetti house, Tommy and Ken are still in their car when, out of nowhere, Tommy realized, "We ran out of gas."

Ken replied, "Tommy, I knew that! I tried telling you for thirty minutes, but you thought the car just wouldn't start. Nice going, Hal Warren."

"Well, if Elly and them are coming here soon, I'm going to go in. See you, Ken."

"Okay, Tommy," and his boss left the car.

Ken got out of the car after a few minutes and pushed it near the garage to little avail. He ran inside and saw Tommy, dressed in a maid's outfit, trying to upkeep the house.

He said to his boss, "Tommy, why are you that crazy to bring a good environment to Hopper?"

Tommy replied, "Well, Ken. If you were the biggest man in Vice City, wouldn't you do this for your niece?"

"Yeah, but-"

"Shut up, Ken."

Ken Rosenberg walked away and let Tommy clean the house while cross-dressing. He knew that a gang was coming over. He didn't know which gang. He had gotten in so much trouble with many gangs, everybody wanted to kill him due to his cocaine habits and not paying back debts.

* * *

On Starfish Island, Elly's car pulled up into Tommy's driveway.

Elly said to the gang, "Now, you Lyoko Freaks. You better behave or else you will die! NOT THE PIT! IT BURNS!!" and they all got out.

Most of them were mad at Elly, but Elly was mad at them. She was glaring at them as she left. Finally, when she wasn't in sight, a moan was heard.

Aelita said, "Gang, let's go in," and they followed her inside the mansion, thinking that the moan came from inside there.

Odd listened closer and said, "Aelita, the moan came from outside. I have a good ear for sound and I can tell you it isn't in your uncle's mansion. I don't even feel good here. Can we spend the night at some other person's house?"

Aelita replied, "NO! We are not going to check into a hotel! We can stay here for free! I know my uncle and he knows me well!" and walked further in.

Ulrich, Yumi, and Jeremy followed Aelita while Odd went outside to investigate the sound. He walked further until he saw Elly's car parked on the street…with a crying Elly inside of it.

Odd ran to it, knocked on the window, and said, "What's wrong, Elly?"

Elly dried up her tears and said, "Oh, nothing, Odd. I'm not crying."

Odd shook his head and replied, "I saw you cry, Elly. Tell me what's wrong. I MEAN IT!"

Elly, however, couldn't keep happy for long, so she cried and confessed to Odd, "I'm just remembering the good times I had with my dad. It's such a shame that the asshole known as J.D. Fortune killed my dad with his cruel, cruel ways."

Odd stood there for a minute.

Elly said to him, "Odd?"

Odd, after a few seconds of silence, replied, "J.D. Fortune killed your father. Is that true or is that because you think he's not going to be as good as your dad in INXS?"

Elly then said, "It's 100 true, but I saw something else that really differed him from the J.D. Fortune in the news. I remember when I got a glimpse of him on TV. He didn't have that African-American-like voice, as with the guy who killed my dad. That's what caused Joel and Phil to forget the real me."

"Okay, so what's next? I must go back to the mansion. Aelita and the gang still think that the moaner's inside."

"Don't tell them that I moaned. They might get pissed at me."

"Alrighty," and Odd ran off to the mansion.

* * *

Meanwhile, inside the mansion, Aelita and the gang were at the front of the mansion, looking around from a person in pain or sorrow. They were fruitless for about 5 minutes. Finally, Aelita caught a glimpse of a man's shadow.

She said, "This must be the moaner, guys," and the gang walked closer to the shadow.

A voice replied, "Stay where you are! I am not hurt!" and the gang stayed where they were.

The shadow walked closer as the gang stood there. Finally, the shadow got out of the shadow and revealed himself to be Tommy Vercetti.

Aelita said to Tommy, "T-t-t-t-Tommy? Is that you?"

Tommy replied, "Come here, Aelita," and Aelita proceeded to hug him.

The gang looked at him with a surprised look. They had heard about all of his crimes and how he defeated the Mafia from taking over Vice City. They didn't know he was a nice man who wanted to be in the printing business.

At that point, Odd came in and said, "I found the moaner!"

However, a bucket of water situated over the door frame spilt down on Odd's head, washing off his purple dot and ruining the spike.

Odd stood there for a minute and then said, "WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT?"

Tommy stopped hugging Aelita and said to Odd, "It was a primitive security system used back in the old days. I was trying to prank Ken, as he keeps thinking that I'm his client."

Odd replied, "What? You ruined my hair, man!" and Tommy suddenly donned a barber man's outfit.

The gang was amazed at Tommy's sudden wardrobe change while Tommy cut Odd's hair to a shorter, but better, length. Alas, Odd didn't have the big spike anymore. His hair had multiple spikes in it.

Odd said to Tommy, "Thanks for cutting my hair, man. I needed a haircut sooner or later, but what about my FUCKING PURPLE SPOT?"

Tommy slapped him and replied, "Don't use that language around me, you whore!"

Odd got out a bottle of purple hair dye and put it where the spot was meant to be. He put it up in his bookbag and walked to the gang, who were shocked at Odd's sudden use of the word "fuck".

Odd said to them, "What? I needed to express my anger!"

Aelita replied, "But you didn't have to go that fucking far," and covered her moth somewhat.

After that, the gang sighed in relief, as Aelita had made it clear that it was okay to say the word "fuck".

* * *

A few minutes later, the gang was in the living room, where most of them were sitting on the couch while Tommy, Ken, and Aelita sat on another couch. For a while, there was awkward silence.

That was, until Odd said, "Well, guys, why are we being silent? Can't we all just talk?"

Tommy replied, "Shut up. I wanna hear if he's coming," and looked out the window.

No cars were in sight; not even suspicious, kinda-looks-like-they-have-been-submerged vehicles were driving on Starfish Island.

After he looked out the window, watching for suspicious activities, Tommy said to the gang, "Well, guys. What are we waiting for? Let's have a conversation!"

Yumi raised her hand and said, "Mr. Vercetti, why do you claim to be Aelita's uncle?"

Tommy pulled out a photo of him and Franz as kids and handed it to Yumi.

Yumi looked at it and replied, "Oh."

Meanwhile, Aelita took a breather in the kitchen until she started to have these massive headaches, a sign of flashback times. She continued to have the headache until she suddenly went back in time to 1986, a time of violence and drug abuse.

* * *

_Aelita and her dad were at the mansion, staying over on a business trip. However, because they happened to be staying at the mansion while Tommy, Sonny, and Lance were having that infamous argument over the Mafia, they hid in the bathroom so they wouldn't get shot._

_Franz said to her under the sink, "Look, Aelita, if we get out alive, in which I hope we do, we're never leaving France! Ever!"_

_Aelita replied, "But America is fun!"_

_Franz retorted, "America is for overrated British indie rock bands!"_

_Aelita was silent and then she said in a whisper, "Yes, daddy."_

_Suddenly, Lance barged into the bathroom, looking for any guests at the Vercetti Mansion, and saw Franz sitting on the toilet._

_Lance said to him, "What in the hell do you think you're doing?"_

_Franz replied, "What does it look like I'm doing? Selling drugs? Making video games? Hiding from your insipid violence? That's what I'm doing! Hiding from your violence! Your useless violence! I don't believe there should be violence, but as the Bible said…"_

_Lance interrupted, "I'm atheist, Billy Graham Asscrapper! Now, take this with me!" and forced a concoction down Franz' throat._

_At the same time, Lance drank a similar concoction and said, "Well, buddy, here's to death."_

_Suddenly, Aelita opened the sink door to witness the scariest transformation since Bing Crosby turned into John Belushi while tap-dancing with Danny Kaye. She saw that her father's skin turned darker and darker until he was a carbon copy of Lance while Lance stripped off his skin and became a carbon copy of Franz. At that point, she fainted._

_Later on in the day, Ken opened the door to see Lance-as-Franz and Aelita in the tub._

_Ken said, "It's okay now. Those idiots will never defeat us now!"_

_Lance-as-Franz replied, "Okay. As for me and Aelita, we're going out."_

_"So soon?"_

_"Yes. My wife wants me."_

* * *

After the flashback was over with, Aelita tried to cry heavily, but didn't have the strength.

Odd saw her on the floor, breathing heavily in a croaky voice.

He said, "What's the matter?" and hugged her.

Aelita replied, "Thanks, Odd. I had a very bad flashback, a very bad one."

"Well, if you're 16, why in the world are you making a big deal over a flashback?"

"It hurt. It was so sad. It was like Lorenzo's Oil without the crippled kid who drank cooking oil…or Nick Nolte, for that matter."

"Well, just to let you know, I love you."

"What?"

"Nevermind!"

Aelita walked off while Odd said to himself, "Man, I was so close! I was so close, but I missed it by a lot!"

* * *

Later on in the day, after working on her school paper in the guest bedroom, Aelita felt like she was so dirty, so she grabbed her Michael Stipe-scented shower gel/shampoo and conditioner, a towel, and a change of clothes. She walked to the bathroom and locked the door. From there, she stripped down to her natural self and turned on the shower. When she saw steam forming on the Plexiglas windows, she walked in with her shower gel/shampoo and conditioner and started to cleanse herself of the dirt and filth that had accumulated on her during the past week. As she washed, she felt a tingling sensation come down her back, as if somebody was soothing her with Nick Drake's "Pink Moon" with a mandolin.

After she had cleansed herself and felt no more of the sensation, she turned off the shower, closed her bottle of shower gel/shampoo and conditioner, and dried herself off. After drying herself, she changed into a clean pair of undergarments, and then into a pink t-shirt, khaki shorts, and pink slip-on sneakers. As she put on her shoes, she felt a pain on one of her feet. She took one shoe off and saw a bleeding nail-sized gash on the balls of her foot. As she saw this, she cleaned it, put on a bandage, slipped on a pair of socks for protection, and put her shoes back on. After that, she was finally clean and she was ready to walk out.

Aelita stood on the staircase until she saw the gang, all cleaned up from their showers, but more able for Vice City's hot temperatures. As she saw this, she sighed and walked to them.

She said to Jeremy, "HOW are you?"

Jeremy replied, "How are YOU?"

"Well, I'm confused on where we're going."

"Aelita, if you hadn't worked on your paper for those three hours and had the flashback about your father, then you would know that Tommy told us that we're going to Bareback Jack's Grill over at the former Little Haiti section of this town. If only I knew where Little Haiti was."

Aelita popped in the earbuds for her iPod and turned it on to some random rock song. She and the gang walked out the door and climbed into a van big enough to fit the gang. As they got in, Tommy hopped into the driver's seat.

He said, "Now as to continue some good fun, I beg of you to stop taking nostalgia trips and listen to some of this country music."

All of the gang put up their iPods and placed them in their pockets.

With that, Tommy replied, "Good job," and backed out of the driveway.

He turned toward Downtown Vice City and drove towards there.

* * *

While driving towards the restaurant, Tommy turned on the radio, which was set to a country station that replaced V-Chat in the 1990s. The DJ was named Fred Toucher and he had some sort of rasp to his voice. He spoke with an ever-changing inflection.

Toucher said into the microphone, "This is DJ Fred Toucher over here on K-Rose and I got free tickets to a Garth Brooks concert headlined by Chris Gaines! Sorry, guys. These are collectables. The concert has long passed, but anyhoo, here's a request from Mr. Tommy from Vice City. He wants some Chris LeDoux played on the radio. Well, I'll give him some Chris LeDoux!" and suddenly, "Cadillac Ranch" by the aforementioned artist started to play.

* * *

As the opening of the song came to the verse, Tommy sang in a very loud, obnoxious voice:

_"Well the well went dry and the cow did too  
And daddy didn't know what to do  
The banker came by the house one day  
He said he's gonna take the farm away  
Then mama came up with a plan  
My brother and me started up a band  
My sister put a sign on the roof  
And daddy bought a case of 90 proof_

_There we called it the Cadillac Ranch  
They're parking cars in the old bean patch  
There's a bar in the barn and the place stays packed  
Till the cows come home at Cadillac Ranch_

_Now the only thing that we raise is cane  
You don't need the sun or rain  
Just some neon lights saying some ice cold beer  
Keeps everything green around here  
Mama takes the cash at the door  
My brother and me keep them out on the floor  
My sister sets them up at the bar  
And daddy kicks back with a big cigar_

_There we called it the Cadillac Ranch  
They're parking cars in the old bean patch  
There's a bar in the barn and the place stays packed  
Till the cows come home at Cadillac Ranch_

_Well we gave all the cows away  
Now the only horns around here today  
Are the ones up on the grill  
Of a genuine '59 Coupe Deville_

_There we called it the Cadillac Ranch  
They're parking cars in the old bean patch  
There's a bar in the barn and the place stays packed  
Till the cows come home at Cadillac Ranch_

_There we called it the Cadillac Ranch  
They're parking cars in the old bean patch  
There's a bar in the barn and the place stays packed  
Till the cows come home at Cadillac Ranch!"_

* * *

As the song drew to a close, Tommy pulled into the parking lot for Bareback Jack's and said to the gang, "Sorry I freaked you out with my awful singing. We're here."

The gang got out of the van and walked inside the restaurant, where the people started to look at them.

A waitress walked towards them and said, "Hello and welcome to Bareback Jack's Grill. How many is in your party?"

Tommy replied, "6 of us."

The waitress grabbed six menus and the gang followed her to a booth/grill.

Jeremy asked Tommy, "If this was built over Little Haiti, then would they be violating building codes?"

Tommy replied, "To be honest, Little Haiti exploded in 1987 after Mamie Pouliet or whatever her name was cooked a batch of explosive stew. One drop spilled and BOOM! The district went sky high! After that, grass covered it until the current owners of this lot came and built this in 1997."

Jeremy said, "Oh," and the waitress walked to the table with their drinks, all Dr Peppers, and placed a 20-pound slab of pork on the grill.

Tommy said to the gang, "Well, dig in and cook it. This is the life."

Aelita sliced her piece of pork and started to cook it with ingredients similar to that of a Jamaican patty, except without the beef and the pastry.

* * *

Suddenly, a voice called to Aelita, "Come here," and she did what that voice called her to do.

As she walked closer to the voice, she saw that it was Elly, who was eating on the gift card they had won earlier in the day.

Elly said to Aelita, "Hey, Aelita! How's it going?"

Aelita said nothing, as she felt insulted.

Aelita then said with an angry inflection, "Why'd you falsely accuse me of spilling hot coffee on your lap?"

Elly replied, "Oh. I was trying to scold Odd, but then I got mad. I guess I had my dad on my mind."

Phil and Joel, who were dining with Elly, suddenly remembered the experiences that had with Elly and the Hutchences.

Phil said to Elly, "I remember the good times now, not just when you became Evil. Let's never forget high school," and proceeded to hug her.

Elly pushed Phil away and hugged Joel, who said to her, "I don't like you! You're too nerdy!"

Elly started to cry and Aelita walked back to her table with tears in her eyes.

Tommy hugged her and said, "You reunited with an old friend, eh? I felt the same way when Ken and I reconciled. That was so much of a life-changing deal for me. No longer did I try to use violence as a tool to be a good businessman. I just read up on business and went to business school while Ken quit drugs."

Aelita replied, "Okay," and saw that her pork was done.

She took it off the grill and started to eat it.

* * *

After dinner, the gang went to the van and waited for Tommy to come.

Finally, he came and said, "Sorry I was late. I had to get me a novelty t-shirt. Ever since I retired, I've been obsessed with novelty t-shirts."

He cranked up the car and a voice told him, "Gas is running on empty. You have 15 miles left on your tank. You better fill up at a gas station or you'll be screwed. I mean it."

Tommy said to the gang, "Guys and girls, I'm gonna have to get gas and since this car takes diesel, you better run out and go inside that convenience store."

He took out his cell phone and dialed Elly's number.

He said to her, "Hey, Elly. I'm gonna have to get gas. Do you need to get any? You do? Well, meet me at the BP on Starfish Island in a couple minutes, alright? I love you, too. Bye," and hung up the phone.

The gang looked at him and suddenly put in their earbuds for their iPods. They turned them on so they wouldn't listen to Tommy's obnoxious singing to "Rainbow in the Dark" by Dio.

* * *

Tommy drove the van to the BP station on Starfish Island, where a ruins of a fire-burnt mansion stood next to it. You may recognize the mansion as Jonathan Freeloader's vacation home. He pulled into a diesel filling area and the gang ran out while putting up their iPods. Aelita still kept her earbuds in, yet hid the actual technology in her pocket.

She walked inside the store to grab a Dr Pepper, a bag of salt and vinegar chips, and a Screwball. As she was waiting in the line to buy her stuff, she saw Elly standing in front of the bread aisle.

Aelita said to Elly, "What's up? I'm just getting a midnight snack to get rid of that taste of Jamaica in my mouth. Yes, the pork was good, but I put spices similar to a Jamaican patty."

Elly replied, "Well, can you let me have a bite of your Abba Zaba when you get done buying it?"

Aelita nodded her head and realized that it was her turn to check out.

* * *

Outside, June was fueling the sedan with 100-octane gasoline until she saw the same car that had pulled her over a few days ago. The car was coming next to her until it stopped.

June said to the driver, "Rya, I know it's you, so get out and show yourself!"

The driver replied, "No way. I'm not Rya. I'm even confused at your stupidity, your water head. You see, you caused all of this. You are the evil one. I'm the person who has the heroic qualities. You don't. Ha," while June got noticeably upset.

The driver continued, "You have no friends. I will hack every one of your social networking accounts so you can cry for me and become my slave. MY SLAVE!" and June pulled the driver out of the car.

Rya was on the ground, breathing, and said to June, "You were right. I'm no hero. I'm a faggot."

* * *

TO BE CONTINUED…


	11. Fish On

**Doesn't Anybody Know We're In Palisades?**

**By That Guy In Everclear**

* * *

Chapter 11

* * *

Aelita was in the middle of her golden slumber when she started to roll around and got to be screaming out, "No! Don't hurt me!!" in her sleep.

She was in the middle of yet another nightmare to be afraid of and the maskers were attacking her. She started to sweat all over and became scared within her mind…

* * *

_The maskers were beating down Aelita and they successfully got her onto the ground. _

_The first one revealed himself to be Kent Paul and yelled to her, "You're worthless, woman! You're so worthless!" _

_The next one was revealed to be Matthew Thiessen of Relient K and yelled to her, "I don't want to hate you, but I hate you!!" _

_The final masker was Jeremiah from Detroit Rock City and he yelled, "Mom, they're all gonna laugh at you! They're all gonna laugh at you!! Give me those tickets or DIE!!" _

_Aelita saw a knife being drawn out from his pocket and he started to stab her in the chest. _

_She screamed in pain and then yelled out, "NO!! NOT THE TENDER CRISP BACON CHEDDAR RANCH!! PLEASE SPARE MY LIFE, JEREMIAH!! I'M NOT YOUR MOM!!" _

_Suddenly, Carrie from the aforementioned novel covered her in blood and screamed out, "They're all gonna laugh at you! They are all going to!! Yes!! Yes!! Yes!!" _

_Aelita screamed out, "NO!! DON'T!! DON'T!! COME ON, BABY! TAKE A WALK ON THE WILD SIDE…"_

* * *

She woke up from the nightmare, with sweat dripping from her forehead. Her nightgown was so drenched, she had taken it off during the nightmare, effectively making her sleep in the nude.

She checked the clock and saw the time. "7:00 am"

Aelita muttered, "Oh, no."

Suddenly, the clock switched on the radio and from there came on DJ Jimmy Baron from V-Rock.

He yelled to anybody listening to the morning show, "Now, here's a song from a band you thought we'd never play, but we do, dang it! Here's 'Which To Bury, Us Or The Hatchet' by Relient K on the station!!"

The song started to play and soon got to the line that Thiessen said in Aelita's nightmare.

She fell onto the floor and folded herself into a fetal position.

* * *

At the same time, Tommy woke up to use the bathroom. He got up from his bed and walked to the toilet. He did what people normally do to a toilet and flushed it. He got out a Hawaiian t-shirt and blue jeans. He put them on and slipped his shoes on. He put on his gold chain and walked upstairs to wake up everybody. What's weird was that everybody woke up thanks to Aelita.

He saw Odd getting dressed and said to him, "Hey, Odd. Why are you up so early?"

Odd replied, "A feminine scream came from Aelita's makeshift room. It woke me up, as usual, and I decided that, 'What the hell', so I got dressed."

Tommy walked to Ulrich's room, where he was already dressed and was packing his suitcase.

He said to Lars…I meant, the German boy, "Hey, Lars. Why are you packing?"

Ulrich handed him a note from Elly and said, "We need to go at noon to Rancho Relaxo. What woke me up was a scream."

Tommy walked out and headed to Aelita's room.

He opened the door and saw her on the floor, rocking herself in a fetal position as the Offspring's "Come Out and Play (Keep 'Em Separated)" played on the stereo.

He said to Aelita, "Hey, Hopper! Did you wake up the gang?"

She replied, "I don't know if I did, but I did have the weirdest and most frightening nightmare ever to date in my entire life!"

He said to her, "Well, I thought I heard something at 7 this morning. It sounded like screaming."

She stood up and said to him, "I was being stabbed by that Christian boy in 'Detroit Rock City'!! He was killing me!"

Tommy said to her, "Well, Aelita. Get your clothes on and head with me to the car. Ulrich found something from Elly. I think it has to deal with Lance following us."

* * *

A few minutes later, Aelita got out of the room, dressed in a pink t-shirt, ragged jeans, and flip-flop sandals. She walked out of the mansion to a car, all started up by Odd, who couldn't really drive that well. Well, she put in her suitcase in the trunk and got into the driver's seat. Tommy walked to her as she walked in and hugged her.

He said to Aelita, "Now, Hopper. I'll miss you while you're at El Sobrante. I hope you have a fun time at Les' house."

She replies, "Okay, but who in the hell is Les?" and drove out of the driveway and back to the mainland of California.

On the way, Odd handed Aelita a CD of some band she hadn't heard of.

He said to her, "Play this for us."

She popped in the CD and out came a very quick guitar intro. Soon, a drum beat sounding like a rifle firing showed up and the song went into full blast.

Aelita said to Odd, "Why'd you put Jawbox in here? You know I really don't like those guys."

Odd replied, "You're supposed to be tolerant of other genres, you know."

Aelita sighed and kept on driving on the interstate towards Sacramento, 30 miles from El Sobrante.

* * *

On the way, Aelita saw that the CD had ended, so she popped in the Velvet Underground's debut album, "The Velvet Underground and Nico", and listened to the proto-punk sounds of the now-tame band.

Odd said to Aelita, "Hey, Aelita. At least I'm done with my music," and popped in his earbuds to his iPod.

He turned it on and switched it to the Velvet Underground's second album, "White Heat/White Light".

* * *

3 hours later, the gang reached the driveway of some large home. They got into the driveway and parked next to a hybrid and a tour bus.

Aelita unlocked the doors of the car and said, "Guys, you can go out now."

The gang walked out of the car and Aelita finished the rest of her Velvet Underground collection. At the end of "Transformer", which was by Lou Reed, she walked out and ran to the door. She pushed the doorbell and waited for somebody to open it.

After a few minutes, Aelita walked away and said to the gang, "I guess we're going to have to work overtime if we can get some hotel rooms."

* * *

However, as she said that, the door opened and a voice called to her, "Hey! Come in! We're in here! You aren't going to find us out there!"

Aelita said to the gang, "Nevermind that," and she ran inside the house.

Inside, there were three gold albums and two platinum records for sales upwards of 500,000 and more. Even Aelita knew that those records were for albums that got little or no radio play, but heavy MTV airtime. However, she saw nobody, yet she did see a speaker positioned above the stairs.

The voice said to her, "Welcome to Rancho Relaxo. My name is Les Claypool, but you can call me the Over Rated Piece-of-Shit Bastard…Les for short. Who in the hell are you?"

Aelita replied, "Mr. Claypool, if you must pry, I'm Aelita Hopper and outside are my friends Odd Della Robbia, Jeremy Belpois, Yumi Ishiyama, and Ulrich Stern. We drove here as according to your directions you sent to our temporary caretakers Tommy and Elly," and walked towards the speaker.

"Tommy and Elly who?" the voice answered, "I wanna know. And I must see your friends."

Suddenly, Aelita's friends walked in and saw that Aelita was dealing with a speaker.

Odd said to the speaker, "Are you trying to make the Princess crazy? Come out, Les! Stop making yourself look like a James Bond film!"

Suddenly, Les came out from the basement, still holding his bass.

He said to Odd, "Dude, what is the matter with you? She wasn't going crazy by that speaker?"

Odd replied, "Well, I'm afraid that she may be still talking to that speaker," and Les saw that Aelita was still chatting with the speaker.

* * *

Les said to her, "Aelita, I'm here," and she turned her head around to see him.

Aelita replied, "Why, thank you that you came, Mr. Claypool. So, how do you like my friends?"

Les answered, "They're good, I guess, and I know you're the true Hopper because of your angelic voice unlike Nico. Earlier this morning, we had two false Hoppers come in, but they all had butch, African-American-type voices. On subject, did you ever meet anybody named Lance Vance?"

Aelita replied, "Yes, but he killed me. However, thanks to God's love and his knowing that Lance is pure evil, I came back. Thank God I'm the real Aelita Hopper."

Les stood there for a minute and shooed Aelita to her friends.

After a moment of silence, Les said to them, "Welcome to Rancho Relaxo, the home of the world's most overrated band, Primus, and their groupie/sex slave, Adam Gates. I'm Les, the human trumpet/bassist of the band. The other members, which include guitar aficionado Larry LaLonde and tribal skin-maker Tim Alexander, are downstairs creating plot twists for this fanfiction. Let's sit down and drink some soda, shall we?"

* * *

Downstairs, in the basement, the band was watching a greased pig wrestling match while Aelita and the gang made themselves comfortable. The pink-haired girl sat as she always sat, Indian-style, while rubbing her now-cramping foot.

As she did this to get rid of the pain, Les turned his head away from the animal cruelty and saw the blood-covered bandage on her foot.

He said to her, "How'd you get in that shape?"

Aelita replied, "I really don't know how I got like that. I mean, it just showed up instantaneously," and kept on rubbing her foot.

Les then said, "Listen, girl. I know how you got that, but you'll be shocked at how you got it and when you got it. If you must pry…"

"I must, I must."

"You got it 20 years ago, when you were 8. You were staying over with us, over at the Ranch, along with your dad, who came here for an electronics expo in Frisco…"

* * *

At that point, Aelita had yet another flashback…

* * *

_It was 1985 and the sun was shining bright in El Sobrante, California, as Aelita Hopper, an 8-year-old girl, was skateboarding down the street with a few kids around her age. After she was done performing tricks nobody had seen at the time, the kids were amazed._

_She walked up to a blond-haired kid and yelled to him, "In your face, Brandon Margera!"_

_Brandon replied, "I bet that you won't be as good as me when I get myself figured out, Hopper," and walked off._

_After that Aelita saw that the kids were leaving with Brandon, she walked inside the house, where Franz was drawing schematics for a supercomputer he hadn't worked on._

_Franz said to Aelita, "Hey, Aelita. You had fun skateboarding?"_

_Aelita replied, "It was okay. Some kids thought I was good, but I won't be in sports any time soon," and walked upstairs, where Les and Larry were setting up a painting on the wall._

_Les said to Aelita, "Hey. You might want to take a shower first before you do anything else," and the girl took a shower._

_After she had taken one, she realized that she left her shoes and socks downstairs next to the staircase. As she walked down, she stepped on a tactfully placed nail and felt a sharp pain. However, she walked it off and pulled the nail when she got down. However, when she pulled it out, blood never gushed out._

_Aelita was confused, but she put her shoes and socks back on and went to the basement to play the Sega Master System…_

* * *

As she got out of the flashback, Aelita was silent for a very long time. However, Les wanted to make it up to her.

He said to her, "Why not we go fishing? I'm tired of watching animal cruelty. As for you, you get dressed into some better shoes," and Aelita ran off.

As soon as Aelita walked out, Les said to the gang, "What are you all waiting for? Get dressed! We're going fishing!"

The gang then ran off while Les smiled to himself and said, "Les, you lucky bastard, you."

Larry looked at him and said, "You're not that lucky."

Les was silent for a few minutes and then walked upstairs.

* * *

An hour later, the gang found themselves sitting in chairs on Les' boat, fishing for nothing, really. While they were waiting for any bites, they were munching on potato chips and tuna sandwiches that Les made.

As Aelita waited for the bite, she said to Odd, "Why'd we get sucked into fishing?"

Odd replied, "I dunno. I like fishing, though."

However, Les overheard the conversation and walked to them, his fishing pole still in hand.

He said, "We're fishing for sturgeon. Not that rich people's sturgeon, but…oh, screw it. I'm tired of explaining everything in an orderly fashion."

Aelita replied to Les, "Why are we fishing for sturgeon? Is this for…oh, I know…you have these every month or so? Is this for a party?"

Les replied, "We're having a party tonight, but it all depends if you catch enough sturgeon…or get a big enough one," and went back to fishing.

When Les wasn't looking, Aelita suddenly got a bite. Her reel spun a bit as the fish swam away. Suddenly, her pole started to pull towards the water and Aelita couldn't take it, so she was dragged, but her feet caught onto the railing.

Odd said to Aelita, "What's with you?"

Aelita replied, "I got something!"

Les stopped fishing for a moment and said to Aelita, "Wow! It must be big!"

Aelita replied, "It's big! Now help me pull it inwards!" and the gang grabbed onto her legs.

The gang pulled and pulled and pulled until they brought Aelita, the pole, and a 120-pound sturgeon onto the boat.

Aelita looked at the sturgeon and said to Les, "Les, this was big. Have you seen anything like this?"

Les replied, "I think I wrote a song about a moment similar to this," and went back to his pole.

Larry looked at the fish and said to Aelita, "You caught THIS?"

Aelita replied, "Yeah?"

Larry said, "Well, you caught enough to feed the people for 5 days straight. Alright, Les! Bring this boat ashore!"

While this cliched scene happened, Aelita became extremely confused.

* * *

TO BE CONTINUED…


	12. Party

Doesn't Anybody Know We're In Palisades?

By That Guy In Everclear

Chapter 12: Yet Another Chapter With a Subtitle

* * *

As the gang packed up the boat onto the trailer, Aelita was walking with Odd and carrying the fishing poles. Odd had the sturgeon, but was having a hard time carrying it.

Aelita said to him, "Let me help you," and helped him carry the sturgeon to the icebox.

As they dropped it in, Odd said to her, "Thanks, Aelita. You're a great help when you need one. You want me to help you with those poles?"

Aelita replied, "No, but thanks for the offer," and put the fishing poles into a compartment on the side of the RV.

While she was doing that, Odd looked at her and said, "I really like you."

Aelita turned her head around and said in utter silence, "Are you insisting that we…date?"

Odd replied, "No, not really. I mean, Jeremy is a good boyfriend for you, but I don't think he's the right type for you. What you want is a person who can do many things, like I am. I'm not the brains of the gang, but I'm the guy who can be…you know, creative?"

Aelita said, "Well, to tell you a little secret…" and walked closer to Odd's ear.

When she was close to it, so obnoxiously close to it, she whispered, "I don't like Jeremy. He's too possessive."

With that comment, Odd pulled Aelita in and kissed her. Jeremy saw this and punched Odd in the face.

* * *

Jeremy said to Aelita, "Why are you making out with him? I'm your boyfriend! I'm your boyfriend!" and dragged her into the RV.

* * *

Inside the RV, Jeremy buckled his girlfriend in and said in a very angry tone of voice, "Aelita, why'd you disobey me?"

Aelita replied, "We aren't dating. I can date whoever I want to. Do I have an individuality?"

Jeremy said, "I don't think so! You're supposed to be the damsel in distress! This was supposed to be under my good plan! My good plan! MY PLAN!!" and started to sob.

Aelita felt sorry for Jeremy and said to him, "Well, Jeremy, I'm sorry if I rained on your parade, but I'm sorry. I just don't like you as a boyfriend. I love you as a friend, but nothing more."

Jeremy replied, "Shut up," and fell asleep.

Aelita saw him sleeping, with tears streaming down his cheeks. She put in her iPod earbuds and started to listen to more music.

* * *

A few minutes later, the whole gang was in the RV, waiting for Les and his friends to tie the boat down. Finally, after mass speculation, Les walked into the RV and turned on the ignition.

He said to the gang, "Well, we're going now. We just got the boat all hitched up," and saw tears down the sleeping Jeremy's cheeks.

He said to the gang, "Why is he crying? What is the meaning of this?"

Aelita replied, "Jeremy just broke up with me."

Les sighed and said, "Oh. You're supposed to be boyfriend and girlfriend, eh?"

Aelita replied, "I think so," and sat back in the chair.

The others got in and soon, Les drove towards Rancho Relaxo.

* * *

While on the trip back, Aelita looked out the window and saw the cars pass the RV on the interstate. At that moment, Jeremy woke up and looked outside the window.

He said to Aelita, "Well, Hopper, I see you like the view of the highways from a car."

Aelita replied, " I know. I'm interested in those sorts of things."

With those words, Jeremy snuggled next to his ex-girlfriend and tried to lift up her shirt, but she slapped his hands

With that action, she retorted, "Jeremy, don't try to be a pervert! You see! That's the main problem with you!" and put Jeremy's hands in his pockets.

He replied, "Aelita, I love you," and covered his mouth.

She said, "Everybody knows that. However, the reality is that I don't like you. Not even from the start," and kept her mouth silent for the remainder of the trip back.

Jeremy looked out the window and thought, "Now I know why she has been flirting with the boys around here."

* * *

Finally, after a couple of hours' drive, the RV pulled itself into the driveway of Rancho Relaxo and the gang all got out. Aelita walked out with Odd, hand in hand, while the others looked at them like they were crazy. As the newly made couple walked, they went inside and walked up to Aelita's temporary bedroom.

As they got in, Odd closed the door and said, "Hey, Aelita. What made you so eclectic in your musical tastes?"

Aelita replied, "Well, it was one day that I was sick, but then Sissi felt a little sorry for me and decided to take me shopping. They had to sneak me out, but when I entered the music store, I was amazed, so I bought every CD known to man, even that crazy CD with the fish human on it waving to the listener as he or she slaved through it, and played them the following night on my computer. I fell in love with that music so much that I wanted an iPod. Well, I got one, didn't I?"

"True, you did, Princess, but what made you get away from Jeremy?"

"Well, it realized to me that Jeremy was controlling my everyday life from how I dress to how I eat to how I sleep. When I became so free in my music, I felt like my original self, not some maple syrup-slurping Canadian wearing that pink jumper all of the livelong day, so when he wanted me to go out with him, I just simply, freaking, refused. I'm sorry, but I refused that bastard who wanted me to be somebody else for my entire life."

"Well, whatever floats your boat? I'll leave you alone. I heard from Les that the party starts now."

Suddenly, loud funk metal started to play from downstairs and Odd said to Aelita, "Get dressed. This is the beginning of a social gathering."

* * *

Odd walked out of Aelita's room as she took off her clothes. From there, she dressed into the dress she brought with her from France and into the open-toed stilettos. As she checked her feet for the puncture, she found that the bandage was red. She ripped it off and saw that the puncture had healed after 20 years. She was finally satisfied with herself. After she got done dressing, she walked downstairs and saw that the people were not in party clothes, but in everyday clothes.

Les walked to her and said, "Hey, Aelita. You know this isn't a formal party, but stay like this. You look hot."

Aelita's eyes widened and she replied, "What the hell was that?"

Les didn't listen to her and she went to the buffet-like table, where Adam Gates was hosting.

Adam said to her, "Hello. My name is Robert C. Cock, known as Bob Cock. The C stands for Cock. So, what would you like to eat?"

Aelita replied, "Do you have any sturgeon?"

Adam got a plate of fresh sturgeon and handed it to Aelita.

He said, "Bon appetite, hotness," and Aelita walked to the cooler.

She grabbed a Dr Pepper and walked to the table, where her friends were.

Odd said to her, "Hey, Aelita. Are you going to do anything at this social gathering?"

Jeremy said to Odd, "When did you ever use social gathering? I thought you were laid back and failing!"

Odd replied, "I always used social gathering," and Aelita walked away.

* * *

As she walked away, she saw two boys walk towards her. Both of them were loaded with guns.

One said to Aelita, "I've been trying to find you!" and aimed the gun at her temple.

Aelita then ran onto the back porch and all around the house while the guys chased her. After they gave up, Aelita ran back inside, where the people watched her.

Odd said to her, "Where have you been? Your food's cold!"

Aelita was confused.

* * *

TO BE CONTINUED…


	13. The Truth

Doesn't Anybody Know We're In Palisades?

By That Guy In Everclear

Chapter 13

* * *

On the highway to Vice City, Aelita is looking at the road. She is pushing boredom to the max and I mean, to the max!

She says to Les, who's driving the Nissan Pathfinder, "Les, when are we going to be at the Vercetti Mansion?"

He replies, "I don't know, Aelita. I just don't know."

He finally reaches Starfish Island and pulls up the driveway to the Vercetti Mansion.

He says to the gang, unbuckling their seatbelts, "Well, have a nice stay! Hope you had fun over at Rancho Relaxo!"

Ulrich replies, "I did, Les!"

Les then says to him, "I know you did, Lars."

Ulrich doesn't care about the insult. He gets out and Les backs out of the driveway and back towards El Sobrante. The gang walks to the front porch, where Tommy and Ken are rocking in their rocking chairs, watching the cars go by. No, they're not in their midlife crisis. They're just bored at the meantime.

The gang sits down in other rocking chairs.

Aelita says to Tommy, "Hey, Tommy. How's it going?"

Tommy replies, "I'm bored. You must be too. In fact, all of California is bored today. Must be Lance."

Aelita asks, "You mean the guy who tried to kill me at the parade?"

He replies, "Pretty much. Well, just to let the boredom pass by, I called Elly and the others today to see how they were. Seems like they were coming here thanks to boredom."

Aelita adds, "…and that Elly has to suffer with the loss of Andrew. In fact, I think I know why Andrew was killed."

He says to her, "What is it?"

She then says to him, "I saw a blue laser hit him from the other room. I saw it coming from a satellite next door from Elly's house. Next thing I know, I hear Andy turn into Michael Jackson's obi-man. Elly had to shoot him."

Tommy laughs and says to his niece, "That's a funny story."

* * *

Suddenly, a Ford Taurus comes up the driveway and it parks next to the staircase. Out came Elly, Phil, Joel, and Rya.

Elly walks to Tommy and says, "I think I heard what Aelita was saying about Andrew. She was right. He did turn into a zombie and I had to shoot him with a shotgun. In fact, while we were trying to get 'House' on the TV, thanks to our satellite going out, I saw somebody equip a satellite with a blue laser. I couldn't see him clearly, but he was dressed up like those Miami Vice cops. I saw a guy in a Hawaiian t-shirt and of Cuban descent help him. I don't know who they are."

Tommy ponders for a minute and says to Elly, "It's definitely Lance and Ricardo. I thought I killed them. They were betraying me like hell, Elly! They were! I don't know what they want with Aelita?"

Elly says, "Nor do I, Tommy. Nor do I."

Elly sits down on the ground; listening to her iPod and watching the cars go by. A car drives up the driveway and parks next to the Taurus. A Mexican woman gets out and walks towards Elly like she has a strange hatred of her.

She says to her sarcastically, "Elly, remember me?"

Elly says, "No. I don't. I'd rather not."

The woman picks her up by the ear and says, "Remember me, Elly, your mom? I was the one who birthed you by fucking that lead singer of INXS!!"

Elly says, "No, Mom. I don't want to remember you. Why did you treat me like crap?"

Aelita eavesdrops on the conversation and tries to tackle the woman, but she has a plan. The Mexican kicks her out of the way and takes Elly inside the mansion.

She says, "Elly, remember me? I'm your mom, MERCEDES CORTEZ!"

* * *

Elly yells back, "Mom, you never cared for me! Only Daddy did, but you killed him! You killed him!"

Mercedes yells back, "I didn't kill Michael, Elly! I would never kill the lead singer from INXS!! I tried to tell you, but you said, 'Mom, you're a fatass! You're going to be arrested, whore!'"

Elly yells, "NO!! YOU'RE LYING! YOU ARE LYING!!"

Mercedes starts punching Elly so she can get her attention. They both drop onto the floor in a position in which they are next to each other's legs.

Mercedes says to Elly, "Elly, I cared about you! I didn't kill your daddy. In fact, I wasn't at the house when your dad was killed."

Mercedes stretches her arms and reaches towards Elly's shoes.

She continues, "I remember when you joined the cheerleading team with Ryan…"

* * *

From outside, Rya yells, "I'm not Ryan!"

* * *

Anyways, Mercedes removes Elly's shoes one by one.

She continues, "Clear your head of any thoughts. All to do right now is to listen to me."

She sees Elly's extremely and unnaturally thin and dirty socks. She rubs her fingers all over them and very rapidly too. Elly starts laughing.

She says, "Mom, stop it! I don't want to be tickled! In fact, I shall tickle you!" and removes Mercedes' high-heels.

She starts ribbing her fingers very rapidly on the stockings. Mercedes laughs and pulls off Elly's socks by accident. Soon, they're in a full tickle fight, but some people looking at the house see it. One of them is Austin.

He says, "What in the hell is that?"

Elly replies, "We're doing nothing here! Don't look!"

He walks away smiling and moving very slowly.

Well, after that was done, they put on their footwear and went outside.

* * *

Elly says to Tommy, "You know Mercedes? Well, I repaired out friendship! Well, it was Mercedes' idea to soothe me, but then I joined in."

Tommy replies, "You're weird, Elly. Get it? Well, where do you want to eat?"

All of them chime in, "Bareback Jack's!"

* * *

They all load into the cars and they head off to the former section of Little Haiti, which was exploded…do I have to say that again? Look, they head to the Bareback Jack's, where they get a table and start socializing while drinking some drinks.

* * *

Phil says to Elly, "Well, Elly. Did you reconnect with your mom?"

She replies, "Yes."

Phil then adds, "I heard you and Mercedes tickling each other from outside while you both were inside."

Elly sighs and says, "She was trying to calm me down. You see, when I'm tickled, my nerves depress and my mood switches from its current mood to a happy mood. It can also reconnect you with your friends or your mom. Just don't try doing it around bullies or boys…unless if they're gay. Well, I'm not gay, but I'm not in love, either. My closest friend had to be killed because he morphed into Michael Jackson."

Aelita eavesdrops and yells, "Stop talking about the metamorphosis! Everybody knows about that!"

She holds up a newspaper that talks about Andrew becoming Michael Jackson and how Elly's house had to be repainted.

* * *

Well, when the food came, everybody chowed down into it, except for Elly. She was thinking about her reconnection with her mom by a tickle fight. She then suddenly has the nerve to do something. She reaches out to Mercedes and hugs her. Tommy watches this and sighs like he's been watching 50 soap operas in 2 and 1/24 days.

He says to Elly, "Elly, you just reconnected…"

Elly replies, "I know, Tommy. Just let me hug her and then eat."

Elly continues hugging her and soon stops to eat dinner.

Aelita whispers to Tommy, "Well, Tommy. Lance didn't attack today, but I have a feeling something bad's going to happen today."

Tommy replies, "I know. It seems like you are fine one day and hurt the next. Well, that's life."

Elly chimes in, "Well, Aelita. Just be thankful that you aren't retarded."

Aelita then says, "That's what I have to correct, Elly. Rya, will you do the honors?"

* * *

Rya stands up and gets out a briefcase owned by Jack Bauer. She opens it and gets out some documents from a Spray and Wash can-like safe.

She reads, "Well, Aelita isn't retarded. She thinks she is because at one point, Lance hindered her growth for a while, but in her brain, so she grew yet held the I.Q. of a 4-year-old. Her dad was morphed into Lance Vance and was killed by Tommy during a battle in the mansion in '86, so the Franz we're seeing could be either Lance in a disguise or the survived Ricardo Diaz."

Tommy slams his fists on the table and yells, "I thought Ricardo died just because he killed Lance's brother! If he survived, I want to kill him!"

Rya continues, "Well, Aelita outgrew the hindering and soon regained her I.Q. in '87. She soon went back and forth from Bologune-Billancourt to Charismaville during the years between 1989-1994, when she was put into Lyoko for the meanwhile. Elly, do you remember when we were in middle and high school back from 1991-1997?"

Elly replies softly and sadly, "Yes, Rya."

Rya continues, "Well, Elly and I were students at the schools. We saw Aelita, who was in 7th or 8th grade, back in 1993, and we would take her to a house across from Elly's house. Everyday, after I had a stint of cheerleading and Elly had jazz ensemble and choir with Mr. Michael, Davis Michael to be correct, Joel and Phil, fresh from either detention or work, picked us up and took us home in Elly's car, due to the California, as Charismaville put itself into California for some years, law at the time, saying that you can get your license at 15 and drive off any place, no curfew, no shit like they have today."

"Well, when Joel and Phil got to Phil's house, we'd stop by, do out homework, and wait for our parents to pick us up. Well, Elly's dad, who you might know as INXS singer Michael Hutchence, would pick her up as her mom was either doing business or busy playing Sega CD. My mom, who then went into another neighborhood to my house, picked me up. It was weird because I was drumming a bit and my dad decided to take my mom's surname, Botkins, for a while. I inherited his drumming skills, as he was Chad Gracey from some band named LIVE. Well, on some days, we'd pick up Aelita, who lived across the street from Phil, and drop her off before homework groups. Well, that's what I have to say, along with Aelita being smart like hell. Well, if anybody doesn't believe me about the cheerleading part, look at my ankles!"

She puts her leg up to the table and pulls up her pants leg to show a scar on the ankle, mostly caused by a pom-pom. Everybody doesn't doubt Rya. She puts her leg back on the table and puts up the documents into the Spray and Wash can-like safe. She pulls out a drill from the briefcase and throws it away, landing into the crotch of a busy eater.

She puts the safe into the briefcase, but before she does, Phil sprays BBQ sauce onto his shirt and says, "Hey, Rya. Can I use your Spray and Wash can?"

Rya replies, "Sure, if you want to spray your shirt…WITH DOCUMENTS!!"

* * *

Phil then grabs out a genuine Spray and Wash can and cleans his shirt with it. Rya puts the safe in and shuts the case. She sits down and eats some more.

Elly then says to Rya, "I was wrong about you, Rya. You are right."

Rya replies, "I know, Elly. Well, want a roll?"

Elly says, "Sure, Rya" and gets a roll from the basket.

She butters it with honey butter and bites into the soft piece of sphere/cone/cylinder-like bread.

* * *

Meanwhile, in prison, Lance is seeing the conversation and curses at himself, "Damn! Aelita knows, Ricardo!"

Ricardo hops up from the bed and says to Lance, "I know, Lance. Do you think I'm blind? I'm not! Well, I got a plan to go out of here."

He walks to Lance and whispers something into his ear.

Lance finishes his 20-oz. filet mignon and 700-year-old wine bottle and says, "Well, the steak is dry and the wine tastes like fucking shit. Well, let's do that plan."

Ricardo slips out a Tommy gun from his jumpsuit and hands it to Lance.

Suddenly, a prison guard sees the transfer of firearms and yells to the duo, "FREEZE! HAND ME THE WEAPON OR I'LL KILL YOU!!"

* * *

Lance is quick, however, and shoots the prison guard in the head, effectively decapitating it. Lance sees him go into the jail cell with the keys and fall down immediately, departed. He grabs the keys and goes out of the cell with Ricardo, bringing their clothes with them.

Soon, they head to the bathroom to change, but after they do, they see more guards trying to shoot.

One of them yells to them, "Lance Vance! Ricardo Diaz! Put the Tommy gun down!"

Lance shoots him and the guards in the head, blowing them off, making them lifeless. They run out and see a SWAT member, in which Lance shoots him. He gets out and climbs into a tank. He presses the pedal and goes so fast that no one can go to the doors, except for Ricardo.

The Cuban goes in and says, "You go ahead and take them out! We shall head to Vice Port!"

Lance moves the tank towards Vice Port, causing destruction along the way.

* * *

Meanwhile, back at the Vercetti mansion, Tommy and the gang are watching TV while Elly makes the Piña Colatas when they suddenly turn to CNN. The story on is a tank rampaging through Washington Beach, Prawn Island, and Vice City.

The reporter, who's a mile from the tank, says to the audience at home, "Currently, I'm in front of the Vice City Auditorium, where the tank is heading. All we know is that the tank can't be stopped and that the two men inside are Lance Vance and Ricardo Diaz, two escaped criminals. We caught this audio clip of them just a second ago" and switches a button.

It suddenly plays a clip from the inside of the tank.

Lance says, "Aelita, you will die! I'm like Pennywise, but I'm not a clown-turned-spider-or-miscellaneous thing! Tomorrow, if you want to go back to your precious France, come to Vice Port along with your friends! We will settle it! Well, I have something to confess: I killed Franz Hopper and I am alive! No, don't stay! I know where you are, Aelita! In fact, where in the heck are you?"

Ricardo replies, "Vercetti's mansion…or my mansion! Well, Aelita, we delayed every flight by 10 years so you won't leave!!"

* * *

The reporter turns off the audio and suddenly sees the tank charge at him. He tries to stop it like that Chinese dude but it keeps charging at him until he gets run over flat like a pancake, his head exploding, and his eyeball and brain coming out of his ear…all in the memories of the viewers of CNN, some including children. Aelita and Tommy turn off the TV and stare at the screen, looking, in their mind, Lance killing innocent people due to his hatred of Aelita.

Elly comes back with the drinks and says to the frozen Tommy and Aelita, "Hey! Turn on the TV."

Rya, who's also frozen, says to Elly, "They won't. They saw Lance's message to Aelita. He wants to kill her at the Vice Port."

Elly hands her the piña colada and she starts drinking it…all but Tommy and Aelita, whose worst fear is back to get them for good…to kill them…to make the world a "better" place run by Socialist people that make Socialist papers in a Socialist country…yeah…right…

* * *

END OF CHAPTER 13


	14. Battle Royale with Cheese

Doesn't Anybody Know We're In Palisades?

By That Guy In Everclear

Chapter 14: Battle Royale with Cheese

* * *

It was the next morning. Aelita got up with fright in her heart. She puts on a clean t-shirt, some jeans, and Converses. She got out of the room and walked to the kitchen, where the others waited.

Odd says to her, "Are you ready for what's to come?"

Aelita replies reluctantly, "Yes."

Elly says, "Good. We need to get in the car. Lance told us to meet him at the Vice Port if you want to go back to France in time for school."

Rya adds, "We're to watch you if he tries to hurt you in any way possible. I got my M-16, Elly has a Luger, and Tommy has many weapons."

They all go outside and hop into the Burrito. They ride all of the way to the Vice Port, where a white Mibatsu Thunder was parked. They park the van next to the sports car and Aelita gets out. She walks to the boat shop, where Lance and Ricardo were there.

Lance says to Aelita, "Good, Aelita. I'm glad you came here to our little meeting. Well, first thing's first: I lied."

* * *

Aelita yells to him, "WHAT THE HELL?"

He duct tapes her mouth and yells to her, "I told a lie, Aelita! I'm not going to release your friends to France until I kill you and Elly Strife! Why? It's like the Losers' Club asking Pennywise why does he want to kill. It's like Timmy asking Vicky why is she torturing the kids? Well, it's this simple message: TO GET THEIR REVENGE AND BECOME RULER!! I TRUSTED TOMMY, YET HE BETRAYED ME JUST BECAUSE I BETRAYED HIM!! YOU KNOW WHAT? I GOT A FRICKIN' TORTURER TO MAKE YOU DIE!!"

A man dressed in black all over walks to Aelita and hits her with a teddy bear.

Ricardo laughs and yells to Aelita, "YOU DON'T MESS WITH ME! YOU DON'T MESS WITH LANCE!! YOU DON'T MESS WITH ANYBODY THAT WANTS TO SEE YOU BLEED IN THE JUNGLE, BABY!! YOU'RE GONNA DIE! IT'S GOING TO BRING YOU DOWN!! ESPECIALLY, DON'T MESS WITH RICARDO DIAZ!!"

Suddenly, the Burrito drives into the boat shop and out come the others. Ulrich kicks Lance repeatedly and Rya knocks out Claude, who's in a trance. Lance ends up pushing her in the van and ties her up.

He yells to all, "I'M ETERNAL!! YOU CAN'T STOP ME!! I'M LANCE VANCE!!" and grabs out a container of Clear Eyes eye drop liquid from his pocket.

He walks to Aelita and holds her down. He puts the eye drops in her eyes and they burn, as they are disintegrating into digital-view vision eyes, all for the perspective of Lyoko.

She screams in pain as the blood comes from her eyes, "HELP ME!! HELP ME!!"

* * *

She suddenly sees Lance as Romeo Montague and says, "Romeo, you have come to save me!"

Lance yells to her, "I'LL KILL YOU!!"

Aelita replies, "That's good! We shall get married!"

She gets up and walks to her friends.

They say, "Aelita, welcome!"

She fights them, as they are her enemies, the monsters of XANA. She puts them into the van and Lance grabs her. He finds a Faggio and rides off to the airport.

* * *

Inside the van, the others are all tied up.

Zach says to all, "Hey, guys! Can anybody pull a MacGyver and free us?"

Rya shimmies herself from the ropes and unties the others.

Tommy says, "Let's roll!" and turns on the car.

He pushes the pedal and follows the Faggio to the airport, where Lance is about to lay Aelita in a pentagram so he can kill her for good.

Rya says, "We need to stop that ceremony!"

Tommy replies, "I know. Lance looks like a devil man."

* * *

Outside, Lance, complete with a suit giving him superpowers, pushes the car back into an airplane, causing them to explode. The passengers fall onto the ground, unharmed. Rya runs to Lance and tries to punch him, but he punches her, including in the area where she got stabbed. She falls down and screams in pain.

She yells to Lance, "MY DEATH SHALL BE AVENGED!!"

Suddenly, Aelita gets up and starts to see regularly.

She runs to Rya, who's dying, and says, "Are you okay?"

Rya replies, "Yes, Aelita. It's not time for me to go, but it's time for me to die. Please avenge my death. Kill Lance."

Rya dies and Aelita screams to Lance while crying her heart out, "LANCE!! YOU KILLED MY FRIEND!!"

Everybody's wondering, "Aelita has other friends?" but they soon focus on the epic fight scene about to happen.

Aelita continues, "YOU SHALL PAY!!" and suddenly kicks him in the crotch successfully.

* * *

He falls down in pain. Ricardo tries to attack her, but she rips his heart out and he falls down onto the ground, lifeless and rotting. She destroys the heart and Rya comes back to life all of a sudden. Elly grabs her M-16 and aims it at Lance's head. She shoots it and he gets hit, engulfing in flames and rising up to the sky.

He yells out, "I'M NOT DEAD YET!!" and Ricardo is resurrected.

Lance comes down and resurrects Sonny Forelli at the same time. All of the gang get into the van and ride back to Vice Port, where the fight originally happened.

Aelita says to Tommy, "Why is Lance doing this?"

Tommy replies, "Aelita, Lance hated your dad. He also hates you and your mom for some reason" and sticks his hand out of the window.

Lance and the resurectees are behind the van. Tommy shows his middle finger at him and Lance gets even more pissed at him.

* * *

They drive the van past Vice Port and head all of the way to the Vice City Concert Hall, where they drive into Helmet, playing "Unsung" at a sound check. They effectively kill Page Hamilton and decapitate the rest of the band. They drive out and head right at the docks of Vice Port. They get out of the car while it still moves and Lance confronts them.

Aelita says, "You know what, Lance. Ever since you killed my dad, now it's time to see you go to meet your maker" and kicks him repeatedly.

He falls down, but then kicks her 10 times more hard. Aelita falls down in pain and starts bleeding from her crotch. She finds a wrench and stabs it into Lance's heart. He catches on fire and screams in pain.

He yells to her, "YOU HAVE DEFEATED ME!! THIS TIME, IT'LL BE YOUR TIME TO COME!! I ALSO MADE YOU HAVE YOUR….PERIOD!!" and tries to take her to Hell, which is very stupid for her.

She replaces herself with Ricardo and Sonny and they go into Hell, screaming in terror and pain.

* * *

Aelita falls down on the ground, down for the count. Elly runs to her and kneels by her side.

She says to Aelita, "Are you okay?"

Rya follows Elly and says, "I don't think so. She looked pretty exhausted over there."

Elly starts doing CPR on Aelita, but as she does the mouth-to-mouth resuscitation on her, Aelita wakes up and backs away from Elly as far as possible.

She says, "I would've survived if I didn't have the CPR done to me. Just think about that. Sending people who opened a portal to Hell…to Hell takes a lot of energy from you."

She heads back to Tommy, who hugs her, but suddenly, it starts raining and thundering from Heaven.

* * *

Meanwhile, at an INXS concert, J.D. Fortune is about to take the stage and sing his song "Pretty Vegas" when, suddenly, the cops try to arrest him.

He says, "Why are you arresting me?"

One of the officers yells to him, "You killed Michael Hutchence!"

J.D. suddenly says, "I didn't do it. Watch this tape that Andrew has!"

Andrew Farriss puts in a videotape of the night when Michael was killed. The cops see the difference in J.D.'s look and the killer's look.

J.D. looks at the impostor and says, "That guy looks like he was trying to be me, but he looks black and talks about a 'dance' that has his name in it."

The officers free J.D. and let him do the concert.

Andrew says, "OKAY!"

* * *

At the same time, in Vice City, the sky becomes lighter as two guys fall from the sky. They land safely and run to their respected daughters.

Franz says to Aelita, "Hey, Aelita! I haven't seen you in a while!"

Aelita hugs him and says, "Oh, Dad! You came back? Why?"

He replies, "You killed Lance for good, so God put us back here so we can live our lives. You avenged for us!"

Meanwhile, Michael hugs Elly and they sit down in a white Stallion.

Elly says, "Dad, I'm about older than you. Just think about that…"

Michael says, "Not older, Elly. You're 8 years younger than me, but you're still my Elly."

Elly turns on the car and says, "I wonder if anybody avenged Andrew's death."

* * *

Suddenly, Andrew Wonderful walks inside the car and says, "Hey, Elly. Well, I'm here, doing crap, but who is that man with you? Are you dating somebody else?"

He shakes his fist.

Michael says, "I'm Michael Hutchence, Elly's dad. Don't you know that?"

Andrew is shocked.

* * *

At the Vercetti Mansion, all of the gang is partying to Relient K, Primus, and Green Day while Tommy is at the bar with Ken and Cortez.

Tommy says to Ken, "Hey, Ken. Since we are here doing crap and drinking Jagermeister, why not have some fun?"

Ken replies, "OKAY!" and starts breakdancing like a professional.

Tommy and Cortez clap at that.

Tommy says, "Oh, yeah!"

Green Day suddenly attempt and succeed to play "Oh Yeah" by Yello.

* * *

In another room, Aelita opens the door and sees Elly and Andrew making out in the bed.

She screams and says, "You guys are making out? What the fuck?"

Elly says, "You also can't believe who else is making out, too."

Aelita walks out of the room and goes into her temporary room, where Rya and Phil are doing the same thing.

Aelita hits her head on the door and says, "Is this the day to make out or something like that?"

Rya gets up, with underwears still on, and says, "This is what couples do whenever we have fun!"

Aelita jumps from the balcony to the stage and rolls off, unharmed.

She screams out, "THIS IS FUN, BABY!!"

* * *

Odd is at the bar, recently joining along with Tommy, Cortez, and Ken.

Soon, Zack joins and says, "Hey, Odd. Screech has told you he is sorry for lighting you on fire."

Odd replies, "No problem, Zack. Just tell him not to put people in a fireplace he's going to light up."

Screech walks next to him and brings candles.

He lights then up and says, "Yes!! Fire!! FIRE!! FIRE!!"

He pulls his shirt over his head and runs around like he's the great Cornholio, who still wants TP for his bunghole.

Odd says to Zack, "Why is Screech acting this way?"

He replies, "He's a bit on the retardation side, Odd. You've ever known about that?"

* * *

END OF CHAPTER 14


	15. Prologue

Doesn't Anybody Know We're In Palisades?

By That Guy In Everclear

Chapter 15: Prologue

* * *

**Dear Diary,**

**This is Aelita Hopper speaking. Well, I finally did it. I finally did it. I revealed my secret to the school. Somehow, I don't know why, but they didn't try to arrest me. Even the Men In Black, who were there mainly for the factory, didn't pay much attention to me. I thought that when I told the secret, I would be extremely punished and sent to a laboratory, where they would test me for ages and ages. However, I'm still alive. I'm in my room, still thrilled by this trip to California. I agree with everybody: It was cool. They even saw my ordeal on the TV. However, it was pre-empted for various funeral processions, including one for Helmet's. I guess Lance ran over them or something. Look, I don't know.**

**Everybody was there at the ceremony, including the people I met in California. Zach, Screech, and Slater were there, along with Tommy, Ken, and some African-American family that I haven't even met in my life. There was some silent man who looked like he was pushed around to kill people. He had a tag saying, "My name is Claude Speed". I guess he is. Anyhoo, all of the faculty, staff, and students of Kadics were there…and all of them were amazed at my story. They wanted to know why this all happened. In fact, because I have been a colorful member of the school, they thanked my friends and even that William Dunbar. God, he's so hot. I'm thinking about dumping Odd for him.**

**As for the trip, I still keep in contact with all my friends and their families. Phil and Rya had a baby boy. It was some freaky robot/human, but they still loved it until they found out it was Rygar. Then they threw him away. Elly and Andrew are still together and even married recently. Oh, well. Back to my drawing board.**

**As for Morris, Slater, and Powers, I talk to them over e-mail. They still like me and want me to come back. Somehow, it deals with this Sephiroth guy fighting with his spiky-haired man.**

**I'll be ready. I just hope it turns a new page in my life, even Odd's.**

**Sincerely,**

**Aelita Hopper**

* * *

As Aelita finished reading the novel of William's, she said to him, "You know, this isn't that bad of a story. You got everything right, but the plot is so fictional. I haven't even been to Zach Morris or Tommy Vercetti's house. I think you wrote a fanfiction and tried to make it a real story. Well, it's still good."

William replied, "Thanks, girlfriend," and kissed her.

Aelita blushed and started to French kiss him. Suddenly, the kissing got so intense that they landed onto the floor.

However, Graham interrupted them and said, "Dinner time, you fuckers, you!"

* * *

THE END…


End file.
